Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes....

Change is hard. Even when it is good change, it can be so overwhelming. I feel as if my life is filled with uncertainty right now. I am in the middle of a divorce. I am on the brink of a career change. I had not really thought of it in that way, but my day-to-day duties will be very different than what I am currently doing. I also started teaching as an adjunct professor.  It is exciting to take what I know and have learned over the years and teach it to the future teachers of our world.

I am so blessed to have these opportunities and I am having fun with them. But it also causes that pit in my stomach that I cannot quite get rid of right now.  What if I made the wrong choice? What if I fail? I HATE to fail. But...if I have learned anything over the last few years, it is that staying static does not improve situations. I have also learned that life moves forward, with or without you, whether you are involved or not. You might as well choose your path, before it is chosen for you.

So. Here I go...onward and upward into the unknown. I have really awesome friends and family who are supporting me along the way. I have people in my life who see things for me and about me that I have trouble seeing sometimes, and for that I am grateful. It is important for me to surround myself with people who know me; the real, nitty-gritty me. And they believe, not in spite of who I am, but because of who I am. 

I'm baack...

Hi y'all. I'm back. Not that I really went away; I had a self-imposed blog-break. Why, Melanie? Why have you not been writing your fabulous blog posts for us? Listen, I am not that self-important enough to think that any of you are thinking this. I write because writers have to write. It is just kind of how it is. Artists gotta do their art thing. Athletes have to move and be active. Writers gotta write. I cannot have this self-imposed silence any longer. So I am just going to come out with it and say it and then we can move on to bigger, better, more exciting topics.  Okay? Okay.

Over the past year I had come to the realization that the changes that needed to happen in order for my marriage to be successful were not going to happen. I stayed until I could no longer stay. In April, I moved with my daughter to my parent's house just a few miles down the road. I am currently in the process of a divorce. I was waiting for it to be final to share this information, but I have no idea how long that is going to take and as I said before, I have to write!

I do not intend on writing about the ins and outs of my situation here, as it is not appropriate. However, you may find a post or two about parenting through divorce, or being newly-single at the age of 39.

Know that I am doing well. I am strong and so is Lilly. In fact, I am realizing just how strong we both are. This does not mean that I do not have meltdowns and "wtf happened to my life" moments. I have amazing family and friends who immediately stepped up to the plate to help however and whenever I needed. I have had some really, really difficult moments. I have cried more in the past few months than I have in years. At the same time, my daily stress levels are lower. Lilly is doing extremely well, especially given the circumstances. She has outbursts and moments, but she has a fast recovery time and I am using them as teaching moments about managing her emotions and self-regulation.

So. Thanks for your patience, understanding, and support. I hope to be writing with some degree of regularity now. I will leave you with a few pictures so you can see that Lilly and I? We are doing just fine, my friends.

Happiness Selfie with Lilly

Springtime Sprinkler Fun

Moving Day Motivation, "This is Strong."

Curveballs and Compassion

Just when I think my life is coming along and maybe getting to the point where I am feeling good about  what is going on, life throws me a curveball.  I was going to use another phrase that has profanity in it, and it's not that I don't mind a good curse; I just changed my mind.  But click on the link to see the urban dictionary definitions of that other.  It made me smile, maybe even chuckle.

It is not a story that I can tell at this time, or maybe ever.  It is not mine to tell, yet it has affected me deeply.  If I don't write anything funny or witty or anything even for a little while, this is why.

I will keep plugging along and do what I need to do.  Now, maybe more than ever, that means taking care of myself first so that I can take care of the others in my life.

On another totally different note, a blog I follow, Momastery, had a recent back-to-school post.  As a teacher and a mother, I loved this post and this letter.  I totally plan on using it myself, both appropriately abbreviated now for my preschooler, and as is, with name changes, as Lilly gets older.  It is about compassion.  Please read it.  Use it with your children.  Use it as a reminder to yourself.

Mother Teresa said, “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that We Belong to Each Other.” 

Courage or Other Moms

Here's the thing.  I generally do not feel very courageous or brave.  I live my life rather conservatively, I think.  In fact, blogging is probably the most courageous thing I do.

I love to read other blogs.  In fact, I read other blogs long before I started blogging.  I read about moms who are creative, successful, honest, dealing/handling/living  with children with special needs, cancer, moves across the country, moves across the ocean(yikes) and devastating losses.  I also read a few blogs who are not written by women, but the majority I read are.

Recently I have needed to have some mega doses of courage, and not the liquid variety.  Though maybe that would have helped a few times.  I am going through life issues.  I cannot share what they are specifically, but suffice it to say that life is hard right now.  Reading other blogs helps me put my life into perspective.  It reminds me that everyone has stuff.  Life can be really, really hard.  Husbands get jobs in other countries.  Children pass away at unthinkably young ages.  Moms get diagnosed with stage IV cancer.  And survive!

So every day I go to work and do the best job I can.  I come home and take care of my family.  And I live with courage.  One day at a time.

God grant me the serenity 

To accept the things I cannot change, 

The courage to change the things I can, 

And the wisdom to know the difference.