The weekend that wasn't

Sunday night.  What is it about Sunday night that feels so rushed?  Hectic?  Like I forgot to do something everything, over the weekend?  I tend to feel like that a lot during the school year and I definitely did the first week or so of camp.  But then we kind of settled into our routine.  I need to remember so much for Lilly and myself every single day that Sundays were no big deal.

And then Lilly got sick.

Thursday night she had a fever, but no accompanying seizure, and seemed perky and fine in the morning.  I wished she would have been able to stay home, but Vin was out all morning trying to take care of some car issues.  Since she was happy and the fever was not being what I like to call pervasive (creeping up between ibuprofen doses) I let her go to camp.  I brought her to get a temp check after nap and it was completely normal.  By the bus ride home a few hours later I knew it was back.  We are the first to be dropped off on our bus route, and I was thanking God for that on Friday.  As soon as her backpack was off I checked her temperature under her arm...100.9.  And you add 1 to 2 degrees for the armpit measure.  I gave her ibuprofen and gave her an ice pop as a snack.  About 15 minutes later she was sitting on the couch between Vin and I and the seizure hit.  I had been waiting for it to happen.  I just knew she was going to have one, as much as I was trying to prevent it.  It was a short one...3 minutes or so, but it really took a lot out of her.  And me.

I am sure I don't need to say it but I will.  My weekend was shot.  We obviously cancelled our trip down for my Godson's birthday party.  I was as much concerned for Lilly as I was for my newborn niece and all the other children who would be in attendance.  Lilly was not herself all day.  The fever became the pervasive type where I had to piggyback the tylenol and advil.

Today she was a bit better but we were all tired.  I got some laundry and grocery shopping done.  But the laundry is in a basket, and will most likely remain there as we wear our camp clothes out of it each day.  I did not bring the camp groceries up to camp but I will have bags with me on the bus tomorrow.  I have lunch and breakfast stuff for Lilly and I for the week and dinner ingredients for a few days, at least.

And Lilly is okay.  As Dr. Mom my diagnosis is hand, foot, mouth.  I had heard that it was going around so I was not surprised when she told me that her mouth hurt this evening.  Sure enough she has the blisters in her mouth.  My poor bunny.  I am going to have Vin bring her to the doctor tomorrow just to confirm and rule out strep.  I never fool around with strep.  But as long as the advil is in her system she is peppy and twirling and dancing to her many movies and shows that she got to watch this weekend.

I am feeling rather like I want a weekend do-over.  Anyone else in with me?

fun in the sun

I have to be honest.  I cannot write too much today.  Somehow, some way I got incredibly sunburned today.  Like, fluorescent pink.  I don't think I have been this burnt since I used oil instead of sunscreen back in the late 90s.  (so, so stupid, btw for girls of Irish descent to use OIL!!)  I am feeling a tad ill from it...chills, etc.

So, friends, I will leave you with just a picture of the fun we had on this awesome summer day.  We went to my friend Stephanie's lake association and this is her daughter Gianna and Lilly.

Here I am...

...at midnight AGAIN!  It was a rough day.  Lilly, who was ill,  vacillated between cheery, sweet and snuggly to cranky, hitting, pinching and basically wretched.  I probably could have used a glass of wine tonight, if I was prone to such a thing.  The good thing is that I was able to see my friend for an hour alone, sans children!  This may be miraculous.  And seriously necessary today for both of us.

My husband was home but doing his job search stuff while I was home and then at the store during the big meltdown of mom.  Which left me to handle Lilly's ups and downs.  I did not handle them with the aplomb that I wish I had.  I wish that I was able to report to all my readers that I was able to implement all of my positive behavior supports (PBS) and things went swimmingly.  I would be lying.  I actually wrote a whole other post about my feelings about how I handled things today but I am not sure I am courageous enough to post it yet.  Suffice it to say I apologized to Lilly for losing my temper and we were both in tears at one point tonight.  It brought to mind the original reason I was started this blog.  I was just getting so damn overwhelmed!

I am a teacher, yes.  But I also identify myself as a learner.  I have to remember and remind myself that parenting has a big learning curve and it is something that we learn as we go along.  I have to be kind to myself.  Sometimes it is just so fucking hard.

My poor bunny

I think I am in for a long night so I am writing now, hooray, instead of after midnight.  My guess is that Lilly swallowed too much lake water yesterday.  It started with the runs and belly cramps and progressed to vomiting.  Sorry if it is TMI, but this is a mommy blog, after all.  We were out doing errands when the first bout hit but luckily the next was when we were home again.  I am afraid it is not over and that I may be up a bit tonight.  Besides, when we have a sick little one, don't we sleep with one ear and eye open anyway?  Then of course I always worry that she may spike a fever, triggering a seizure.  sigh...Motherhood can be rough!

However, I am so lucky to have a lunch date with one of my best girlfriends tomorrow.  It can be hard to arrange these things when we are moms, but so, so important to our mental and emotional health.

Wish me luck through the night!

I hate being sick

I have been sick for a whole week.  On Sunday and Monday it was just kind of starting and I felt under the weather.  Tuesday I felt pretty terrible, but it was a half day at work so I just toughed it out and stayed at my desk as much as possible.  Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I was in bed or on the couch.  I thought I was getting better on Thursday so I cancelled my doctor appointment.  Friday I felt like hell and my eyes were stuck shut in the morning.  The one eye was completely blood shot and goopy.  Blech.

The doctor said I was infected from the neck up.  I was put on z-pack and eye drops.  I still had my Shutterfly party since I essentially took 3 doses by then of the z-pack and 8 doses of eye drops.  The party ended up being fun, even with only a few of us; but tired me out completely.  I woke up Sunday feeling, you guessed it, terrible.  We made the drive out to the Poconos to pick up Lilly and I started to feel better.

The plan is to go into work tomorrow.  Vin thinks that I should stay home and rest one more day.  I probably won't listen to him because I have a full day tomorrow already.  I can't afford to be sick another  minute!

I had so many plans for this past week.  I got absolutely nothing done.  And in fact, I think my room is in worse condition than it was before.  Boo for being sick.  BUT, I do have to give credit where credit is due.  My hubby let me sleep and rest while he watched Lilly and he went to get me soup and other assorted food items and medicine.

OPI gel manicure gets...

....a big old thumbs down for what it has done to my nails.  They look beautiful while the gels is on my nails.  I was totally in love and was willing to spend $35 every two weeks.  Before my last application I asked the woman at the front desk if my nails should have a break because they seemed a bit weak.  She felt them and said they were fine.  I asked the manicurist the same question and got the same answer.  Well the joke is on me because my nails are peeling so badly and have broken down to where they were when I first got the manicure.  My nails looked great for several weeks but it came at a great cost.

In other news, I have been really trying to follow the dietary recommendations of my acupuncturist.  In case you forgot: cut out dairy, diet soda (or really any soda), cold drinks, add warm foods and add cinnamon.  Generally speaking the only dairy I am consuming is in my coffee in the morning.  I keep my Brita on my counter so that my water is now room temperature.  I have been having a harder time adding the warm foods, especially in the morning.  I am not sure why, since I love oatmeal.  It is a time issue, really.  I was doing great with the cinnamon, but it started to trigger some acid reflux, so I stopped for the time being.  The biggest change I have made, drum roll please, is that I have cut out soda!  I started by cutting down, and within another week I cut it out.  I did have some over the weekend.   But I don't like the way it makes me feel.  I was never a huge soda drinker until I lived with the hubby.  He LOVES soda, so we always have it in the house.  In large quantities.  And when I was pregnant, water plain grossed me out and I lived on 7-Up.

I was planning on getting back into the gym this week and then I get terribly sick.  Actually, last Saturday night I had it all planned out for the next day.  And then Lilly had a seizure at 6am and I was in the Overlook ped Er with her all morning.   By then my day was just shot.  Then whatever viral infection Lilly had I then got.  I was under the weather on Monday and then by Tuesday night I was sick as a dog.  This afternoon I started to feel a bit better.  In fact I had made a doctor's appointment for this afternoon and cancelled it.  So maybe tomorrow I will feel better enough to go do the elliptical for a bit?  Crossing my fingers...

catching-up

I have not written in what feels like ages because life has been a little hectic.  I have gone on 2 interviews: 1 for Early Intervention which I was offered on the spot and 1 for a position in Hoboken for the BOE.  More on that 2nd one later this week, I hope.  The Early Intervention position is hourly but functions more like a contract.  I can work around my schedule and have as many/few clients as I can handle.  This is something I have really wanted to do so I am thrilled by this opportunity.  I am hoping that I will be able to build a relationship with this company and then if/when we decide to expand our family it will allow me to stay home with #2 a little longer than I would otherwise be able.

In the midst of graduation, being let go, interviewing, etc. I was also dealing with Lilly getting sick.  Again.  It started off in her usual way...with a febrile seizure.  We brought her to the doctor and was told she had laryngitis/croup and to expect the barky cough to start that night.  Sure enough it started about midnight.  Well by day 2 of the cough and shortness of breath I was getting very concerned.  I had really been trying to be calm because I know so many people end up in the ER unnecessarily.  I called the doctor before I put her to bed Thursday (we had been to see him on Tuesday) and based on her symptoms he told us to go straight to the ER.  Now, I was thinking as we walked in that it was kind of sad and disconcerting that I was beginning to know many of the faces in the pediatric ER.  Lilly was seen ultra quickly and was given an oral dose of a strong steroid to calm her breathing.  It worked within the hour and we were on our way home.

By Saturday Lilly seemed to be on the mend.  Her temperature was back down in the 97s without ibuprofen and her cough was barely noticeable.  She had a slight runny nose, as expected.  Sunday morning I woke up to her having a febrile seizure in the bed next to me.  Vin and I got dressed and brought her to ER once again.  There seemed to be no infection and nothing else going on.  Back home we went but since it was Sunday of Memorial Day weekend I was glad we went.  Plus the ER doc told me that I should always bring her if I feel I need to, especially after a seizure.

I have an appointment for the diagnostic testing Lilly needs for the day after my last day of work.  i am not thrilled that she will be sedated for approximately 1.5 hours, but at least we will rule out any other causes of the seizures.

Meanwhile I have been trying to work out with the wii when I can.  I REALLY want to get back to the gym as well, but finding the time seems impossible.  And food, well, I have not lost and I am trying not to beat myself up for stress eating when Lilly was sick.  At least I know that when I am stress eating now it is still not nearly as bad as before.  Like I might have a doughnut.  Okay, 2 doughnuts.  But I am not eating doughnuts, cookies and 2nd helpings of dinner and maybe some ice cream after.

As an aside, Lilly has been obsessed with "ham" or Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss for the uninitiated.  I think Vinnie and I know that book by heart.  Her next fave is There is a Monster at the End of this Book.  She CRACKS up!!   To know Lilly really is to love her.  She just lights up my world.  Which reminds me...only 12 more work days until I am home with my bunny for the summer!!!

Febrile Seizures

My daughter Lilly had her 1st febrile seizure in August 2009.  It was scary, terrifying really.  We found out she had a urinary tract infection and then from there we found out she has some kidney reflux.  She did not have another seizure until about 8 weeks ago.

She was in school and I received the phone call first from Vinnie and then seconds later from the daycare that Lilly was having a seizure and was being brought via ambulance to the ER.  Receiving that phone call might have been the worst phone call I received to date.  Again we thought she had a UTI but the long term culture proved to be negative.  She was already being treated with antibiotics so she finished them.  Unfortunately by the time the culture came back it was too late to find what the true infection was.

Yesterday she woke up with a fever.  She was going to my mom's so I went to work and made sure she was motrin'd up.  My mom gave her the motrin at the next dosing time and about 30 minutes later she had a  seizure.  I took her to the pediatrician later that day.  She had a red throat but the strep test was negative.  Culture was sent out.  I got a urine sample from her this morning and brought it in to the doctor.  They are sending that out for a culture.  I guess there were some irregularities with it.  I am not exactly sure what that means, but it was very concentrated.  So at this point it is a waiting game to find out the source of an infection.  Of course it could just be viral....

Dr. Cotler also said it was time to see a neurologist.  When I called to make an appointment, the receptionist got us in for next Monday.  Her urgency in getting us in alarmed me.  It is very worrying that Lilly has these seizures and I want to make sure they are just febrile and not a seizure disorder.

So prayers and positive thoughts our way would be much appreciated friends!  And if anyone has any experience with multiple febrile seizures (not just a one-off) please share!

Mickey :(

Mickey is one of my mom's dogs. He is the best. He was a rescue, naturally. A big Australian Shepard with an even bigger heart. Well, Mick has cancer and my parents will be putting him down when we have all said our good-byes. Vin, Lilly and I will go over today.

So here is a little bit about Mickey, or Mickalla as I often called him...

He has an insatiable appetite. Literally...he was terrible! Some things he has eaten over the years: a huge tub of I can't believe it's not butter, a jar of Tiger Balm, uncounted numbers of make-up...he was especially fond of foundation and lipstick, bags of chocolate....He loves the finer chocolate, whole steaks off the grill or counter, and the list could go on. It is not really his fault. He was a starving pup when my mom took him in. A wild thing! He would jump (all 4 feet) up on the kitchen table and start helping himself. My mom quickly trained him not to do that!!

He is my mom's shadow. He would follow her to the ends of the earth. When my mom has gone away he would sit and stare at the door. One time I was there and had to move her car. The poor thing was so excited when I came in because he thought she was home.

When I was newly pregnant with Lilly he would come sit by me and put his head near my belly. After Lilly was born and I was staying at my mom's he would come get someone when the baby would cry. He would have a very concerned look on his face as if he was saying, someone take care of that baby! Now he is Lilly's best bud. She calls all dogs "Mick". My mom's other dog, Finnegan, cannot be trusted around children so he is always in another room or outside when we are there. Mick has shown Lilly true doggy love. He lets her hug him and brush his hair.

Mickey will leave a big hole in all our hearts when he is no longer physically with us, but his spirit will be with us forever.

Have fun up there with Shannon, O'Hara and Puss, Mickey. Give them all a lick and a nudge from me.

catching up...again

Phew...I have not written in so long because my life has just been, well, hectic, crazy, overwhelming... Need I say more? So here is the long and short of it. I am fully entrenched in work now and it is good. It challenges me and I challenge my colleagues. I challenge them to look a little differently at how they have been doing things. My supervisors have told me that one of the reasons I was hired was because they believed that I could help shake things up. So, I am, slowly but surely.

Lilly has been doing so well in daycare. Really, it has been more than I could ever hope for. Basically the entire month of November she was there full time (not 3 days a week) because my mom was sick. That seemed to have gotten her in the groove. She does not cry during drop off or pick up, but goes right in, waves and blows kisses to Vin and starts to play. I can't really ask for anything more. The only thorn is that it seems as if she has been constantly sick! I am actually home with her today because of a fever/cough. Poor bunny girl.

Vinnie and I have had our struggles as we have adjusted to the changes from me being a SAHM to a working mom. Adding in the last semester of grad school never makes things easier. :) It has not been easy, but I truly believe that our struggles are bringing us closer and helping us grow as a couple and as individuals.

I will be finished with graduate school next Thursday. WHAT??? How can that be? It is not real yet. I am not sure when it will be. Because I am involved in a federal grant with my graduate advisor (very cool thing!) I will still be doing some work for that through the middle of January. But, I am not stressed by that. I have 2 big things due next Thursday and then I will be finished!! Unbelievable. I have had so much support through my grad school experience. I could not have done it without them.

And I now have a chance to support Vinnie as he starts his journey in college. I am so incredibly proud of him as he enters Union County College this January. He is going to do great!

I have 2 goals for myself over the next few months. #1 is to lose the weight I have gained in the past 6 months. Grad school and then starting work has really killed me in that regard. But I am committed to getting healthy again, and healthier than I was before. #2 Is to get started as a Developmental Interventionist in Early Intervention. I will hopefully have updates on that in the next few months...

Lilly is calling for me from her crib so that is my exit cue. I am really hoping to keep up with this blog and develop it more in the next few months. Watch for it!

starting work tomorrow

I am starting work tomorrow. And I am sick. Crap. I have not felt like this in ages. One time when Lilly was about 2 months old I had a mastitis. I felt this sick then. Before that, it was when I was working the year before I was pregnant. This is terrible. I have been sick since Saturday afternoon. I got my flu and pneumonia shots on Saturday morning and that night I felt like kitty litter. I have never had a reaction to a flu shot, but there is a 1st time for everything. The site of the injections has gotten progressively redder and swollen. At the same time I have been daytime weaning my daughter in preparation for daycare. Saturday night my one breast was insanely full and I felt that maybe I had a mastitis coming on. I nursed her on that side like crazy and it felt better the next morning. But now it is Monday evening and my temp went up AGAIN! Oh, and Lilly was sick last week...cold, elevated temp for 1 day, threw up the next. Lastly, I had oral thrush (from my inhaler) and started antibiotics Saturday. That was the whole reason I went to the doctor. So really, it could be one or all or some crazy combination.

My whole point is that I am starting my new job tomorrow! I need to feel better ASAP. I am taking Motrin round the clock and drinking lot of water. Maybe I need some EmergenC?

Okay, wish my luck for getting everything done this week and my 1st day tomorrow. Lilly will be with my mom Tuesdays & Thursdays and at daycare on M, W, F. So dreading the 1st few drop-offs!

Lilly update

We got a call last night about 10 pm from the ER doctor. He said that the initial urine test showed no infection but that the culture showed a definite infection. He called a Rx into our local 24 hour CVS and had us start the antibiotics immediately. We are so glad that we at least now have a reason for the fever.

so....

I really have nothing to say because I am pretty overwhelmed and cranky. I should say, I have nothing POSITIVE to say. In the past 10 days I have dealt with: a sick baby, a teething baby, a sick husband, a final grad school project, husband's birthday, a short trip down the shore, a leaking car, dealing with said car company, car shopping and now getting ready for Lilly's 1st birthday party. Oh and let's throw my period in on top of that...cause that's always fun. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. And for some reason Lilly is refusing to sleep in her crib. Great.