Jello Memories

In my last blog post I wrote about making new memories.  I think one of the things I love most about making new memories with Lilly is how it often brings me back to my own childhood memories.  I am pretty darn lucky that my memories are so wonderful.  I know how blessed I am to have had such a childhood because I work with children who do not always have good memories.  Or their good memories are so far from how I define good that it saddens me.  While I know that my childhood was not perfect, I have very few bad memories.

Yesterday I was making jello with Lilly.  A few years ago I tried making it but she refused to eat it.  I ended up eating an entire pan of orange jello.  It was more than a little sickening.   She has now decided that she likes jello.  She picked out grape (hello, purple!) and raspberry lemonade or some such newfangled flavor.  She was very excited to make it with me.  I obviously stirred it initially since it requires adding boiling water, but then she helped stir the jello powder until it disolved.  We talked about how it would not be ready until tomorrow (today) which is why we made it at night.

Waiting is a hard thing for kids.  Scratch that, waiting is hard!   Lilly was pretty okay with it.  She understands what finished jello looks like so she knew that this was NOT finished.  Without telling her what I was doing, I got out a spoon and scooped a bit of the cooled jello mixture just before I put it in the fridge.  I told her that this is what Nanny used to do for me and I gave her a taste.  It brought me right back to 188 aka Nanny's house, where she would give me a little taste of the not-yet-ready jello from the fridge.  Watching Lilly's face light up at the taste of the warm liquidy goodness was fun.  Watching her smile as she thought of me as Nanny's little granddaughter was priceless.

And you know what?  Knowing that I look back and see the good memories gives me hope that Lilly, too, will someday look back and see only the good, and forgive me for my mom-mistakes.

Not Just Washing the Dishes

Did you ever do something that reminds you that you are your mother, who is her mother?  Sometimes words come out of my mouth that remind me of this.  And sometimes I am reminded when I wash the dishes.

At camp I wash a lot of dishes.  Well, cutting boards, mixing bowls and spoons really, but you know what I mean.  On Friday I was washing the dishes during the last period, which I had as a prep. This means I was not racing through them but able to take my time a bit.  My feet were hurting me after standing all day and my back was aching due to the height of the sink.  I am too tall to wash dishes without leaning over the sink, stooping almost.  I ended up leaning over the sink, stretching out my foot behind me and leaning my elbows on the sink edge.  I was doing this to stretch out my achilles but it also helped ease the ache in my back...bonus.  I know that I stand like this a lot when at the kitchen sink.  But for whatever reason, this moment became etched in my mind.

It was in that moment that I had an instant photograph in my mind of walking into the kitchen to see my mom at the sink, leaning over and washing the dishes or peeling potatoes or washing fruit.  And in that same instant I saw my Nanny leaning over the sink washing the dishes or peeling some potatoes or washing some fruit.  It was like a multigenerational instaframe with pictures of the 3 of us standing, leaning over the sink.

I googled images for leaning over the sink and for washing dishes.  I thought that other people must stand like this to wash the dishes.  Nowhere did I find a picture that even closely resembled how we stand.  I think it is in my genes.

Courage or Other Moms

Here's the thing.  I generally do not feel very courageous or brave.  I live my life rather conservatively, I think.  In fact, blogging is probably the most courageous thing I do.

I love to read other blogs.  In fact, I read other blogs long before I started blogging.  I read about moms who are creative, successful, honest, dealing/handling/living  with children with special needs, cancer, moves across the country, moves across the ocean(yikes) and devastating losses.  I also read a few blogs who are not written by women, but the majority I read are.

Recently I have needed to have some mega doses of courage, and not the liquid variety.  Though maybe that would have helped a few times.  I am going through life issues.  I cannot share what they are specifically, but suffice it to say that life is hard right now.  Reading other blogs helps me put my life into perspective.  It reminds me that everyone has stuff.  Life can be really, really hard.  Husbands get jobs in other countries.  Children pass away at unthinkably young ages.  Moms get diagnosed with stage IV cancer.  And survive!

So every day I go to work and do the best job I can.  I come home and take care of my family.  And I live with courage.  One day at a time.

God grant me the serenity 

To accept the things I cannot change, 

The courage to change the things I can, 

And the wisdom to know the difference.