the working mom dilemma?

I thought that being at work all day would give me the patience with Lilly when I was with her. Meaning, that since I was spending significantly less time with her, I would not lose my patience when she has a tantrum or gets overtired and cranky. This was a great thing I heard happens from other working moms. LIARS!!! Okay, not really, but I am not finding that to be true. I find that the more time I am away from her the less I am able to put up the tantrums and crankiness. Also, in the little time that I have with her each day I am also: getting ready for work in the morning, cooking dinner, packing lunches, doing laundry, trying to keep the house in order, doing homework, and oh, spending time with my precious little one.

I also think that I was more in touch with what is typical behavior when I was a SAHM. Kind of like I was conditioned to expect it.

Another thing that is MUCH harder to handle as a working mom is night-time waking. It was hard enough when I was a SAHM. Now, it is terrible. Even if I can get her back to sleep in bed with me, the rest of my night's sleep is not as good. My average bedtime is midnight, waking at 6ish. If she wakes up at 4, I only get 4 hours of good sleep and then 2 hours of mediocre sleep.

I won't even touch right now the stress between Vin and I. I knew working would make things stressful. That I have heard from friends. The money situation gets better, but not great. And every other stress factor sky rockets. I think it was surprise to him, though. I have a feeling he thought we would be on easy street once I started working. Life is never that simple.

The good news is that Lilly is really loving her daycare now. I am really getting into my position now at work. I (think) I am doing a good job and am hopefully impressing the powers to be so that I can hopefully obtain a permanent position.

I think the bottom line is that there are difficult things to handle whether you are a working mom or a SAHM. Maybe that is why there is often a battle between the two. It is really our own internal battles coming out to play. I could very easily say to a SAHM that her job is so much easier, based on my own experiences and wants and needs. But when I was a SAHM it was not easy. Money was tight to the point of being non-existent. And lets face it, it can be lonely. Thank God for social media like facebook and MOL and Mothers & More.

Anyway, if you have not guessed, I am writing this at 2am because Lilly has been awake for over an hour. After losing my patience, Vin stepped in and I needed to write to release some of this stress. Writing has always been good for my soul. I think my blood pressure has come back down to normal so wish me luck as I try to get some sleep tonight.

my life = stress

do you ever just hate your life?? life sucks right now.

starting work tomorrow

I am starting work tomorrow. And I am sick. Crap. I have not felt like this in ages. One time when Lilly was about 2 months old I had a mastitis. I felt this sick then. Before that, it was when I was working the year before I was pregnant. This is terrible. I have been sick since Saturday afternoon. I got my flu and pneumonia shots on Saturday morning and that night I felt like kitty litter. I have never had a reaction to a flu shot, but there is a 1st time for everything. The site of the injections has gotten progressively redder and swollen. At the same time I have been daytime weaning my daughter in preparation for daycare. Saturday night my one breast was insanely full and I felt that maybe I had a mastitis coming on. I nursed her on that side like crazy and it felt better the next morning. But now it is Monday evening and my temp went up AGAIN! Oh, and Lilly was sick last week...cold, elevated temp for 1 day, threw up the next. Lastly, I had oral thrush (from my inhaler) and started antibiotics Saturday. That was the whole reason I went to the doctor. So really, it could be one or all or some crazy combination.

My whole point is that I am starting my new job tomorrow! I need to feel better ASAP. I am taking Motrin round the clock and drinking lot of water. Maybe I need some EmergenC?

Okay, wish my luck for getting everything done this week and my 1st day tomorrow. Lilly will be with my mom Tuesdays & Thursdays and at daycare on M, W, F. So dreading the 1st few drop-offs!

Chubby apple-picking hands

 

We went to to Melick's Orchard in Oldwick, NJ with our friends Colleen, Michael and Fiona ot go apple picking. We had a great day!

childcare woes

I am having a really hard time coming to grip with Lilly going to daycare. I know that it needs to be done. I think she will do great and have fun. But I want to be the one to care for her, teach her, and snuggle with her all day long. I don't want to leave her all day long, plus 2 nights when I have school. I know that I need to work. I also know that watching an active toddler is a tough job and that Lilly will benefit from the social interaction. I can still be upset about it. And I am. :(