Vacation by Myself

I just came back from going on vacation by myself. Well, I did a lot of driving by myself, but I stayed with friends. It was glorious and much needed. I drove from New Jersey to North Carolina to spend some time with my college bestie, Michelle. I stopped along the way in Virginia and spent some time catching up with other friends and a cousin. I drank large margaritas, ate delicious food, drank lots of wine, danced, and even sang karaoke for the first time. Note to self: practice that before doing it in public again... haha. I drove with my music blasting, singing along to either my ipod playlists or the satellite radio. Hello, 80s and 90s stations! I really enjoyed my time, but missed Lilly enough to make coming home welcome. Having her 6 year-old self wrapped around me when I got home was the best!

I would have never thought that I could enjoy myself while being away from my daughter for so many days. I always worried about her so much, even if I left for more than a couple hours. But, I knew she was in good hands with her grandmother and then my mom.  She even got to spend the day with my SIL and niece, which was a huge hit.

As moms, we put ourselves last. I have been doing it for so long, and to such extremes with my recent situation, that it took me some time to realize that it is okay. By taking care of myself, I am taking care of my daughter. I needed that time to turn my brain off for awhile. At times I used the solitude during long stretches of beautiful North Carolina and Virginia roads to turn it back on, sort of in the background, just to let myself feel and think and BE, without anyone asking me questions or needing something from me. I was not lonely, even when I was by myself, but more notably, especially not when I was with others. I processed...dreamed...hoped.

I felt more Melanie than I have in a long time.  It was nice to be with her again. She plans on staying for the duration.

Vacay selfie, with btw, no make up.  Not bad for 39!

Inner Strength

“A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn by Living

Sometimes in our lives we need to have inner strength beyond what we believe possible.  I realized today just how strong I am.  I have an inner strength that will get me through this phase of my life, no matter what happens.  I know it.  I am owning it.

I cannot take credit for this all by myself.  I have a great support system of women helping me keep up that inner strength: the women with whom I work, my friends (my besties!), and the strongest of all, my mom.

My dad and brothers have also been an incredible source of strength for me.  My in-laws have been wonderful.

Friendships

Today's subject is a no-brainer for me right now.  I take advantage of the summertime, when I am on summer break, to catch up with friends - sometimes with our kids, sometimes without.  Before getting married and before kid(s) it was almost as if my friends and I could not go a day without talking or emailing.  Some friends maybe it was a weekly thing, but others, it was seriously daily communication.  Things change when you get married; they change even more when you have a child.  Throughout it all, I know that I always have my friends.  Most of my really good friends, or my besties, have been my friends forever and a day.    There are a couple with whom I still communicate several times a week (thank goodness for facebook and texting!) but with most, it is really difficult to find the time to chat or get together.

Last week I was able to visit my friend Michelle in NC.  Two different nights we spent hours just chatting about life.  It was so great to be able to do that in person.  Yesterday my sister-friend (and her cute as a button infant daughter) came for lunch.  She is my rock.  Sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself.  She is the kind of friend who can say it like it is, and vice versa.  But she is also the first to lift me up when I need it.  Or drag me, as the case may be.

Tonight I was able to spend a few hours with my friend Caroline who I have known since we were, I don't know, 6ish?  We don't get to see each other often. We really do not even get to chat very often now because we both have chatty daughters which makes phone conversations more difficult. :0)  There is the obvious catching up on what has happened in the past x amount of months, but really, it is so easy to just get right back into our friend rhythm.  Isn't that the mark of a true friend?  And doesn't it just boost your spirit when you get to spend a couple hours with a friend like that?

Tomorrow I am spending the afternoon with my friend Colleen and her two children.  She lives the closest of all my friends and her children are 11 months older and younger than Lilly, respectively.  The three of them get along beautifully and Colleen and I get to have some chat time in between refereeing and getting snacks for the kids.  Sometimes we recruit the guys to go to the park with us so we can chat more.  But sometimes it is not even the talking that is needed.  Sometimes I just need to be in the presence of a friend who knows all of me, warts and all, and who loves me in spite of them.  And believe me, Colleen and I lived together so she knows it all!

I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful friends in my life.  Each meets a different friend need and all are vital to my happiness.  Tonight my heart feels lighter and I can breathe deeper!  xoxoxo

NC 2011

Last year Vin, Lilly and I drive to NC to visit my college bestie Michelle.  Michelle moved to NC at some point in college after her parents, gulp, moved there while she was studying abroad in Australia.  Where, by the way, she met her hubbie Jason.  I had visited over the years but have not done the drive since Lilly came along.  Last year we stayed in a hotel 1/2 way both on the way down and back.  This year we were road warriors!  We drove all the way down in 1 day!!  Lilly was an amazing traveller.  She seriously did not give us any trouble going or coming back.  We spent about a week there visiting and getting to know her little miracle baby Porter.  From the looks of him (picture to follow) you would never guess that he was 10 weeks early!  He is an amazing baby and has the sweetest disposition.

We decided to take it easy coming home and stay over in VA.  Well, thank goodness we did because it took us 5.5 hours to drive the 200 or so miles from NC to VA.  yikes!  Vin was so hardcore...doing ALL the driving and not even letting me drive a tiny bit.  I was the Lilly helper....food, drinks, snacks, DVDs, books, crayons and baby dolls.  I will add pictures when I can find my wire to download them to my computer.

Now that I have had my fill of BBQ....swoon...I am getting back on that same old, same old bandwagon.  Eating healthy and daily exercise starts tomorrow!  I know, I know....I say that all the time.  But seriously, I need to just fucking do it.  I am tired of not fitting into my cute summer clothes.  Plus, I have some super cute fall skirts that will look so hot (yet work-appropriate) with my boots!  Must. Lose. Weight.  And I really, really just want to feel better about myself and I know I do when I just get the job done.  It is not that I lose weight and feel better because I start to feel better a lot sooner than any weight loss occurs.  I feel better about myself when I exercise regularly.  And then I make better choices.  And then the weight loss occurs.  Or probably it all happens at the same time, but you get my drift.

I am sure this should have been 2 posts but it's not.  My blog, my prerogative.  Kinda like the random profanities...my blog.  So bite me.  :)

p.s.  I was never into the term "bestie" when used by people over say, 12, but it has grown on me.  I always feel that BFF was limited to 1 person whereas bestie may refer to a few people because really, who has just 1 BFF?