My time

Hey all!  I know I haven't been writing much.  I have had another writing project going on, that has kind of taken up my time.  It's exciting for me because it is a totally new project, but fits me well.  I wish I could be less vague about it, but the company prefers that I write as "the company" and not let myself be known, yet.

Plus, you know, life.  It gets busy around these months for teachers.

I've been in a fitness/weight loss slump.  But I feel the tides changing.  You know when you just get sick of feeling sick?  That is kind of how I feel right now.  I know that cutting dairy and sugar out/down makes me feel better.  I know that yoga makes me feel better.  I just gotta do it.  I really do, because I am so sick of feeling like this.  I just have to get over that hump.  You know the one I mean.  The one that tells you that you cannot, absolutely not live without candy.  Or doughnuts.  Or mac & cheese.  Or ice cream.  Or whatever it is that makes you feel oh so good when you take those first bites.  But truth?  I don't just take one bite.  Ever.  And another truth?  My tummy really hurts when I eat that shit.  My body starts to get achey.  I get tired and lethargic.  Like, too tired to do yoga or go for a walk, the very things that make me feel better.

Melanie, you are saying, you have told us this before.  Yeah, I know I have.  Such is the journey of life, my friends.  Sometimes we have to make mistakes a few (lots of) times before we get it.  I think this is my time....

The time is now

The time is now for me to live a healthier life.  I know I have written about this before both in recent months  and a couple years ago.  I could get down on myself for not sticking with it the 1st, 2rd, 3rd time but that leads nowhere fast.  I had to be reminded of that recently because I was starting to feel down about how much time I have lost in the weight battle.  This person told me that I will not gain anything positive by beating myself up and in fact might slide backward even more.  

So what happened this time?  I saw pictures of myself, in pajamas no less, at Christmas and was not happy with what I saw.  But more importantly, I don't feel comfortable in my body right now.  I am at my heaviest ever and it does not feel good.  It feels awkward and uncomfortable.    I do not want to get comfortable at this weight.  As I get older, it will only become harder to lose the weight.   Hence, the time is now.  

I had actually decided this a few weeks ago but then Nanny died and I was not able to really make decisions like this.  I put everything on hold for 2 weeks.  This week was my new start.  I woke up to work out before work 2 days and brought healthy food with me for breakfast, lunch and snacks.  I have been cutting out a lot of the extra snacking and caloric drinks that I was having, especially in the afternoons and evenings.  

I can tell that I am really ready to make this change because even after only a few days of cutting out a lot of the junk and sugar I am not only not craving it, but not wanting it when offered to me.  Don't get me wrong, I am still having my one cup of coffee in the morning with half and half and sugar and I have not cut out the extras completely yet.  But it is drastically reduced and I plan to continue cutting down.  It is amazing that not having sugar makes me not want sugar but that eating sugar makes me crave more and more.

I love candy, like gum drop-type candy, and I had a little bit this week.  The bottom line...I just can't even have one.  Same with chocolate.  There were some Hershey kisses at work, just a couple, but since I did not have one, I did not want one.  But if I had eaten one, I would have wanted them all.  It is the same with soda and iced tea.  I was having one with my lunch almost every day.  But when I stopped having them when I was home over Christmas break I did not feel like I needed those drinks anymore.  

I really feel like I am on a good path.  I am feeling good about living healthier.  Already I feel a little less uncomfortable in my body and look forward to feeling better and better about myself.