Sunday, November 22, 2009

the working mom dilemma?

I thought that being at work all day would give me the patience with Lilly when I was with her. Meaning, that since I was spending significantly less time with her, I would not lose my patience when she has a tantrum or gets overtired and cranky. This was a great thing I heard happens from other working moms. LIARS!!! Okay, not really, but I am not finding that to be true. I find that the more time I am away from her the less I am able to put up the tantrums and crankiness. Also, in the little time that I have with her each day I am also: getting ready for work in the morning, cooking dinner, packing lunches, doing laundry, trying to keep the house in order, doing homework, and oh, spending time with my precious little one.

I also think that I was more in touch with what is typical behavior when I was a SAHM. Kind of like I was conditioned to expect it.

Another thing that is MUCH harder to handle as a working mom is night-time waking. It was hard enough when I was a SAHM. Now, it is terrible. Even if I can get her back to sleep in bed with me, the rest of my night's sleep is not as good. My average bedtime is midnight, waking at 6ish. If she wakes up at 4, I only get 4 hours of good sleep and then 2 hours of mediocre sleep.

I won't even touch right now the stress between Vin and I. I knew working would make things stressful. That I have heard from friends. The money situation gets better, but not great. And every other stress factor sky rockets. I think it was surprise to him, though. I have a feeling he thought we would be on easy street once I started working. Life is never that simple.

The good news is that Lilly is really loving her daycare now. I am really getting into my position now at work. I (think) I am doing a good job and am hopefully impressing the powers to be so that I can hopefully obtain a permanent position.

I think the bottom line is that there are difficult things to handle whether you are a working mom or a SAHM. Maybe that is why there is often a battle between the two. It is really our own internal battles coming out to play. I could very easily say to a SAHM that her job is so much easier, based on my own experiences and wants and needs. But when I was a SAHM it was not easy. Money was tight to the point of being non-existent. And lets face it, it can be lonely. Thank God for social media like facebook and MOL and Mothers & More.

Anyway, if you have not guessed, I am writing this at 2am because Lilly has been awake for over an hour. After losing my patience, Vin stepped in and I needed to write to release some of this stress. Writing has always been good for my soul. I think my blood pressure has come back down to normal so wish me luck as I try to get some sleep tonight.