Monday, September 28, 2009

starting work tomorrow

I am starting work tomorrow. And I am sick. Crap. I have not felt like this in ages. One time when Lilly was about 2 months old I had a mastitis. I felt this sick then. Before that, it was when I was working the year before I was pregnant. This is terrible. I have been sick since Saturday afternoon. I got my flu and pneumonia shots on Saturday morning and that night I felt like kitty litter. I have never had a reaction to a flu shot, but there is a 1st time for everything. The site of the injections has gotten progressively redder and swollen. At the same time I have been daytime weaning my daughter in preparation for daycare. Saturday night my one breast was insanely full and I felt that maybe I had a mastitis coming on. I nursed her on that side like crazy and it felt better the next morning. But now it is Monday evening and my temp went up AGAIN! Oh, and Lilly was sick last week...cold, elevated temp for 1 day, threw up the next. Lastly, I had oral thrush (from my inhaler) and started antibiotics Saturday. That was the whole reason I went to the doctor. So really, it could be one or all or some crazy combination.

My whole point is that I am starting my new job tomorrow! I need to feel better ASAP. I am taking Motrin round the clock and drinking lot of water. Maybe I need some EmergenC?

Okay, wish my luck for getting everything done this week and my 1st day tomorrow. Lilly will be with my mom Tuesdays & Thursdays and at daycare on M, W, F. So dreading the 1st few drop-offs!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Chubby apple-picking hands


We went to to Melick's Orchard in Oldwick, NJ with our friends Colleen, Michael and Fiona ot go apple picking. We had a great day!
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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

childcare woes

I am having a really hard time coming to grip with Lilly going to daycare. I know that it needs to be done. I think she will do great and have fun. But I want to be the one to care for her, teach her, and snuggle with her all day long. I don't want to leave her all day long, plus 2 nights when I have school. I know that I need to work. I also know that watching an active toddler is a tough job and that Lilly will benefit from the social interaction. I can still be upset about it. And I am. :(

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

To the woman who almost backed into me in the Whole Foods parking lot:

Just because you chose to zoom out of your spot while I was carefully and slowly backing out does not necessarily give you the right of way. I looked behind me and no cars even had the reverse lights on. I was slowly backing out because, duh, we were in a parking lot and there might have been, gasp, pedestrians. All of a sudden I see you zooming out of your spot, almost hitting me as I was half way out of mine. I stopped but did not beep because I thought it may have been an honest mistake and I saw that you stopped. But then the fact that you continues to beep long and hard at me and did not move and stared at me through the window, well, you need help lady. YOU were in the wrong. I was not. Even if we had both started to back out at the same time, that could have been an honest mistake. If you were going slowly, we would not have almost hit each other. And the staring game, seriously, I don't have time for that crap so stare at someone else. Thank goodness that, even though I was just driving to the end of the same parking lot to go to Target I had still buckled my baby into her seat. At first I was just unnerved by the encounter but now I am angry. Accidents happen for sure, but slow the heck down already.

Rant over!


I got the job in New Brunswick!! Hooray! I don't know when I can start because I need to get re-fingerprinted. Oh well. At least I know that I have one. I set up the appointments for my my fingerprints and physical/Mantoux test for early next week. Hopefully I don't have to wait for the next board meeting to start working. That would be the end of October!

Saturday, September 12, 2009


Why are weekends fraught with tension, misunderstandings and miscommunications? I think in my household it has to do with expectations and the failure to meet them. Sometimes I don't live up to my own expectations: I am going to work out Saturday & Sunday, I am going to clean the entire house, I am going to get all my homework done. Sometimes my DH does not live up to mine: Generally help with the above. :) A bit of time to myself each weekend. Sometimes I don't live up to my DH's: I don't always let him sleep in, take naps or watch TV when the baby is not napping. I expect help so that my expectations get met.

Probably it is a combination of both. It just seems like we cannot get through a weekend without some kind of tense interaction.

Do other couple encounter this? How do you handle it or overcome it? If you used to feel this way and no longer do, what has changed?

Friday, September 11, 2009


Today is September 11th. 8 years ago today our world was rocked, literally and figuratively. I remember details about that day that I don't remember about any other day in my life.

I woke up with plenty of time to get ready for work, not my usual manic rush. I put the news on and the big news of the day was that Michael Jordan was going to play basketball again. I thought, wow, we must be doing pretty good that Michael Jordan is the biggest news story. It was an amazing day that hinted of autumn. Crisp blue skies, a few fair weather clouds, warm without being hot. I drove to work, which was a new job for me. I had just started teaching in Newark, NJ at the North Ward Child Development Center. I taught preschool in a 3-year-old class. School had really just started a few days earlier so it was still kind of chaotic.

I was getting the children ready to go out to the playground when a mom came running in frantically, tears streaming down her face. "I need my baby, something terrible has happened." She told us in spanish. As we tried to calm her down and find out what the terrible thing was disbelief was hitting us. What do you mean the twin towers were hit? Her aunt was a maintenance worker in one of the buildings and called to relay the information. I took her down to the main office for her to get permission to take her daughter out early and also to spread the word. I was the first person to hear the news in the childcare center.

The administration called downstairs about the same time telling everyone that Newark was on high alert because of the buildings there. We were not all that far from downtown Newark and they wanted the children inside. I went back to my classroom in my little building and turned on the radio. At that point I heard that the 1st tower collapsed. I immediately called my (then) boyfriend, Keith, who was a police officer. He had just had 2 days off and was due into work that night, so he was sleeping. He did not answer his phone so I called his father and told him the news. His father did not really believe it but turned the news on while we were talking and then went to go wake up his son. Keith called me a few minutes later letting me know that he was called in because no one knew what was going on. I also called my mom and told her to turn the news on.

Eventually I was able to go home that day. As I was driving home I realized that I could drive down one street in my town (Belleville) and see the Twin Towers. I drove down the street and almost stopped short, along with other people doing the same thing. All that could be seen was smoke and clouds of ash.

That night I made a large baked ziti and cookies to take to my boyfriend's station. They had been working for many hours and would continue to be doing so. The Garden State Parkway was empty. Tolls did not have to be paid and the only police officers on the road were going speeding in the direction of NYC.

My one roommate had just moved out and 2 were moving in. Shanna was already there but Colleen, one of my closest friends in the world, was not moving in for another month. She worked in NYC and I could not get in touch with her until the next day. I was missing my old roommate and her daughter that day.

For the next several days all I could do was watch TV and cry. I was drawn to the TV yet I wanted to turn it off. I remember feeling that I owed it to those who lost their lives to watch the horror unfold. I finally forced myself to turn it off one day and then I did not watch any TV for several weeks.

I remember there were parades of cars that would drive up the main drag with flags flying and neighbors were encouraged to put out lit candles and turn off their lights. The songs that were played over the radio during that time are linked to those events, in my mind.

My boyfriend went into NYC to help with the recovery. That changed him forever. He felt that he could never bring children into a world like this, especially as he was a cop. Several months later he broke up with me. I believe we may have been on the path anyway, but the events of 9/11 were a turning point for him.

Over the next several years I would grow and change as a person. I would experience different heartaches and joys. Every year I think that it might not hurt as much this year. Every year I am wrong. I have been crying on and off all day today. That day will always bring up very painful memories. But I have realized that I really don't want the hurting to stop or to lessen. It is a day for reflection and rememberance; but also for being thankful for what we do have.

I am grateful for my husband Vinnie, my daughter Lilly, and all the members of my family. I am grateful for my health, in light of 1st responders who are suffering now. I am grateful that I did not become cynical and think that this is no time to bring a baby into this world. My life is better because of Lilly. The world is better because of Lilly. The world is better because of every child who is born.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Can you believe....

....I am still waiting to hear about that New Brunswick position. What the heck?? I have just about given up, BUT, positions are still open on their website. I sincerely hope that if they do call me that they do not expect me to be available the next day. I mean, hello, childcare, clothing, etc. need at least a few days to be planned. Right now I don't feel like I can plan in advance because I was given no time frame. Oh well....