the scale and whatnot

If you follow my blog (I hope someone says yes!) then you will know that I was attempting to follow Weight Watchers.  I say attempting because I was only really doing it full heartedly for a few weeks.  I would do well for a few weeks and then fall off.  Then I would get back into it but then stop mid-week or something.  There was always a reason why I was not counting points that day or following it exactly.  Or I would start counting the points and then I would get a bit psycho about it.  Only to myself, mind you, but I hated feeling that way, so then I would stop.  i would weigh myself every day, multiple times a day and I would allow the results to dictate how I felt about myself.  I decided not to renew my membership, even after I saw both my SILs who are following WW and doing an AWESOME job!  (Go Kelly & Gina!) I have realized that after trying WW 3 or 4 times that it really might not be the plan for me.  

You will also know that I had fallen off the exercise wagon.  I was doing some Wii stuff but nothing regular and I was not utilizing my gym membership.  Last week I started back to the gym and I have been going regularly.  And it feels amazing.  I mean, I am a bit sore but I am so happy to be back.  I was thinking that I was going to be embarrassed that the guys who work there would know that I was MIA for so long.  I am not.  I am not worrying about what other people think of me.  I might have to remind myself of that every once in a while but I am not letting it get to me.  I am concentrating on cardio and my ab exercises (which I learned in PT to help my back) and stretching.  I am hoping to do yoga again soon, but for now I am just incorporating poses into my post-workout stretching.  I need to build up the strength in my wrists before I start really doing anything with weights again, so plank, table, and downward facing dog and cat/dog are perfect for that.

Here is the big thing: I am not getting on the scale.  I slipped last week at one point and I could really tell how it mentally brought me down for a few hours.  Besides that one slip, I have not weighed myself in about a month.  I feel crazy good about myself right now.  I know that I did not lose all the extra pounds in one week at the gym, but I just feel better about myself.  I am a little bit firmer perhaps and my legs always get definition quickly.  The main thing is how my state of mind has been able to remain positive. Even this morning I was feeling so good about myself and like maybe I even lost a few pounds so I thought, "Maybe I will just step on the scale and see."  I resisted because if I stepped on the scale and I had not lost any pounds I risked losing my positive outlook.  Maybe someday I will be able to step on a scale without it affecting how I feel about myself that hour/day/week.  But until then, I have sworn off the scale!

Now I just have to remember all this when the going gets tough and work starts back up September 1st. 

Back in the proverbial saddle again

So, (imagine a long, drawn out version) I have not been to the gym in goodness knows how long.  My diet off the wagon big time the last weeks and I was losing motivation to restart it all.  I weighed myself today and I have gained a couple pounds.  boo.  I decided to re-commit myself to my eating plan.  I stayed on track today.  It would be so simple to not count/write down little treats here and there.  Doughnuts call my name all freakin' day long!!!  I would like to know how they even learned my name.  heehee...

I worked out with my Wii Sports active and started a 30-day challenge today.  I also really, really want to get back to the gym.  I miss it.  Hubby wants to see if we can cancel it but I want to see how I can rearrange my schedule so that I can get there.  Oh and I drank tons of water today.  More than my usual, that is.

I just have to stop lying to myself.  I cannot eat candy and sweet treats like some other people can.  I can and will do it this time!  But I will eat some cake on my graduation day!!!!

As an aside, this is the scale I have.  It is kind of annoying me because sometimes when I step on it I have drastically different weights from one minute to the next.  For instance this morning my weight was the series:
1. x (x=weight)
2. x-4
3. x+.4
4. x-6
5. x
6. x
I know I should just let it go, but if I know it is that different I want to make sure I get the closest number possible.  Today I picked the one that made the most sense and also came up the most.  And it is a new scale.  grrr.

WW update

I have not really given a WW update lately.  I gained at Easter.  Getting my period the day before did not help with all the bloating.  The good news was that even with a gain I kept within the 5 lb weight loss I had from the week before.  The following week I lost about a pound and then finally this week I lost the remainder that I had gained.  So I am down 7.1 lbs. total in 3 weeks.  Not bad considering I had a 2 lb. gain the one week.

I still have not been back to the gym.  I am kind of bummed about that.  But in truth, I have had a lot going on.  Lilly's bedtime routine has been a little longer than before.  On top of that she has been having night terrors for about a month.  And lastly I had my ingrown toenail on my big toe taken care of last Friday.  I had the other foot (3 nails!) done over a year ago and the recovery was so hard that I put off having the other side done.  So at least it is done and hopefully I will be able to work out this weekend.  I think I will at least be able to do my weight workout, if not treadmill/elliptical.

Lastly, I am so excited to have a few other people on this journey with me.  Granted I have not told to many people.  I hate feeling like I am being subjected to the food police.  You know what I mean, I know you do!  So within my family and workplace, unless they read my blog, they do not know.  I have said that I am "watching" but have not been specific about using WW.  But my sister-in-law Gina and her boyfriend Anthony and a few other friends are all doing WW right now.  It is so great to be able to exchange recipes and encourage each other through the week.  Go us!

In fact, if anyone has any tips/recipes/etc feel free to post them in the comment section.  xo

Thoroughly exhausted

I am just going to say a few things....

1.  I am exhausted.
2.  I did not get to the gym today.
3.  I did not clean my house today.
4.  I ate a little bit of junky food, but not as much as I wanted.  I still felt kind of blah after.
5.  I had a blast with my daughter when we got home.
6.  So because of #5, #1 -3 did not affect me as much.
7.  I am praying that I make healthier food choices tomorrow.  I am starting to (once again) feel poorly when I eat poorly.  When I eat poorly all the time I crave carbs (like an addict) and I don't feel how it affects me.  When I eat pretty decently most of the time I can feel it when I eat the other crap.  This is a good thing.  I was desensitized to what the sugar/flour/fat was doing to me.

I am going to BED!!

Goodnight all!

By the way, have I ever mentioned how much I like lists?

Wordy Wednesday

So many people have Wordless Wednesday blogs that I decided to be a little different.  Plus Vinnie has class tonight so it is a good night for me to sit down and do some blogging.  Of course I am now sitting here blogging instead of cleaning...mopping, laundry, dishes, organizing, putting things away, working on my resume, etc.

Right...so just as I finished that last sentence Lilly woke up screaming in the middle of what (I believe) is a night terror.  And in the middle of comforting her Vinnie came home from school.  yada yada yada...we ate dinner and I had no me-time.  Not to mention the fact that my Wordy Wednesday post will be posted on Thursday.  Shh...don't tell!

I have been having a really hard time getting back to WW in a solid way.  I have been doing okay but not great.  I miss the gym and I miss yoga.  I miss being prepared so that I can make healthy eating choices without a lot of thought/effort.  I keep trying to focus on the big picture.  It is not such a big deal, in the long run, that I have had one day/week/etc when I was off-track.  I may not lose weight this week, or next for that matter.  But eating healthy, exercising, finding time for me and relaxation are all part of the bigger picture of a healthier, calmer, happier me.  So tomorrow I start again.  And maybe if I get enough sleep tonight (fingers crossed) I will have enough energy to go to the gym.

And just maybe I will mop my kitchen floor this week!

Not only off the band wagon...

...but run over by it! Seriously, being at home this week has sucked in terms of eating. Couple that with being totally PMSy and an eating machine is born. And not healthy things like carrots and apples. I can start again tomorrow, right? Right? I know I could start right now, but I am not planning on eating anything else tonight as it is after 10pm. I have an 8:30am appointment with the endocrinologist tomorrow so maybe I will have something to post tomorrow. Or maybe not, who knows!?

On a totally different note, I feel like a bad mom today. It was just one of those days when I was feeling PMSy (see above) and Lilly was being a typical toddler who does not usually get to see Mommy all day. She had tantrums about e.v.e.r.y. thing and I was not the most patient mommy today. I was crying about it later and she said, "Mommy sad?" I told her that yes, I was sad because sometimes mommies get sad too, but I was okay. I smiled at her and she gave me a kiss. That only made me feel even worse. I am resolved to be a better mom tomorrow. Today (and yesterday to be honest) were just bad days. I know I am a good mom. I do. I just get down on myself sometimes.

cleaning my tub

I know it is not very "green" of me, but I love new cleaning products. Generally ones that allow me to work less for better results. Enter the Kaboom tub cleaner. It sprays on as blue foam and turns white when it is ready to wipe off and rinse. I used it on my tub tonight after Lilly was asleep. We have really hard water in Union so even when the tub is clean, I don't feel that it is clean. Well, tonight my tub feels clean. That foam works!! I am so excited. The downfall is that I felt like the foam was spraying into my nose a bit. But that is most likely due to my overzealous spraying action. Now if only my tub was large enough to be comfortable for me. I miss my South Orange tub. I could practically lay down in it. In my current tub, Lilly basically fills the tub when she "swims". Yeah, it is that small. I practically had to be pried out when I was pregnant.

Next week I am going to re-caulk the tub. I know that it is really my landlord's problem, but I would rather just do it.

On a WW note, I kind of went off the wagon a bit, BUT I did account for the points. And I did not go crazy, just allowed myself some treats.

week 2

So week 1 was tough. I was pretty hungry a lot of the time. But what that made me realize was how much I was eating before. The truth is that I used to know how to eat well and how much of something to eat. The truth is that I have not been eating that way for a long time. I could come up with reasons why that happened but that would just be excusing myself. So I need to be hungry for a little bit. It is not the end of the world. The question is what am I going to do when I am hungry? More on that at another time.

So I go to weigh myself Sunday morning and the scale does its zeroing out thing, and then....lo. I need a new battery. Are you serious? I had weighed myself Saturday morning, just to see, so I had an idea. If I go by that weight, which I guess I need to, I lost 2.2 lbs. So not crazy weight but enough to keep me going.

Of course tonight I had a calzone for dinner. What was I thinking? I was not feeling well, belly-wise since yesterday and did not eat much last night or today and when I thought of what I wanted, a calzone was it. So I ate it. It was delicious but sat in my belly like a lead balloon. I am really trying to look at all this as a learning experience. I think it is even a milestone to have the thought of. "I don't want to feel like this." That means that I am not overeating the majority of my meals.

I also learned today that when I have had a bad night, like last night, I am more likely to eat whatever and make poor decisions. Granted, I was queasy still, but I did not eat for a long time today. Then when I did eat I was really hungry.

So tomorrow I start fresh. On a positive note, I bought new shoes and they fit! Anyone who really knows me knows how impossible it is for me to buy cute shoes that fit well. Pictures to come later!

WW update

This week was kind of one to start weight watchers. But I guess that is good in a way. Vin and I had a lot of things going on which prevented me from getting to the gym at all. Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day which is a major celebration in my house. Soda bread with butter, guiness and cupcakes were consumed. THe good thing is that I did track it all. I had to use my flex points every day this week, but I still have some left for Friday and Saturday. I was really hoping I would not use them all or at least have more left to spend on Saturday. But you know what, I am not going to beat myself up about it. I have definitely cut down on my food intake by a lot. I am hungry a lot, which tells me that I was snacking (on candy) way too much. I am writing every morsel that goes into my mouth down in my log and making myself accountable for the points. I am paying more attention to serving size. Bottom line is that I am more conscious of what food/liquid is going into my mouth.

Saturday is a free night for Vin and I because Lilly is going to her grandma's in PA for an overnight. If I decide to have a drink or two and I am out of flex points, so be it. It is not every week that we get a free Saturday night and I think the 1st few weeks are about figuring out how much I was eating compared to how much I should be eating.

Today I had one of the yummiest lunches ever. I had some Boar's Head turkey at home, but nothing to eat with it so I threw a few slices into a baggie and brought it with me to work. I got the Subway veggie delight with O&V and lots of veggies and added my turkey. It was SO delicious and yummy and really fillling.

Off to sleep. I am hoping Lilly sleeps all night in her bed. Or at least until 6am.

weight watchers here I am

So I did it. I joined weight watchers. Again. The last time I did WW was several years ago. Really, many years ago. This time I am doing it online. It seems to be the best fit for me right now. After reading my sister-in-law's blog I was inspired by her. So here I am. I am excited that it seems a little more flexible then it was when I last did it. Of course I am still STARVING!!! I am realizing how much I used to eat, especially candy. :(

Today was a pretty good day. It is only my 2nd real day on so I am really feeling the cravings badly. But I only had 2 slices of pizza instead of 3 and a big salad with it. Little victories, that is what it is about for me right now.