Vacation by Myself

I just came back from going on vacation by myself. Well, I did a lot of driving by myself, but I stayed with friends. It was glorious and much needed. I drove from New Jersey to North Carolina to spend some time with my college bestie, Michelle. I stopped along the way in Virginia and spent some time catching up with other friends and a cousin. I drank large margaritas, ate delicious food, drank lots of wine, danced, and even sang karaoke for the first time. Note to self: practice that before doing it in public again... haha. I drove with my music blasting, singing along to either my ipod playlists or the satellite radio. Hello, 80s and 90s stations! I really enjoyed my time, but missed Lilly enough to make coming home welcome. Having her 6 year-old self wrapped around me when I got home was the best!

I would have never thought that I could enjoy myself while being away from my daughter for so many days. I always worried about her so much, even if I left for more than a couple hours. But, I knew she was in good hands with her grandmother and then my mom.  She even got to spend the day with my SIL and niece, which was a huge hit.

As moms, we put ourselves last. I have been doing it for so long, and to such extremes with my recent situation, that it took me some time to realize that it is okay. By taking care of myself, I am taking care of my daughter. I needed that time to turn my brain off for awhile. At times I used the solitude during long stretches of beautiful North Carolina and Virginia roads to turn it back on, sort of in the background, just to let myself feel and think and BE, without anyone asking me questions or needing something from me. I was not lonely, even when I was by myself, but more notably, especially not when I was with others. I processed...dreamed...hoped.

I felt more Melanie than I have in a long time.  It was nice to be with her again. She plans on staying for the duration.

Vacay selfie, with btw, no make up.  Not bad for 39!

lessons learned

ahhh....The first day of summer break.  Yesterday was the last day of the 2011-2012 school year.  This past year I have learned so much about myself as a coach, a mother, a wife, a peson.

• I am stronger than I thought I was.
• I will fight for my family when needed.
• I have an amazing network of colleagues who are talented, funny and supportive.
• I don't always know what is going on behind the scenes when I am speaking to a teacher.  I need to find out before making judgements.
• If I listen, they will talk.  In one week 3 different women shared very personal stories with me.  
• I am a good mother.
• I like working.
• They are not exclusive of each other.  You CAN be a good working mother.  

Finally, I learned that I cannot blog as often as I like!  The past 6 weeks I have not written one blog post.  I started writing a post about sleep.  Was that a hint?  I think so.  Maybe I will finish that one, because it is a perpetual theme in my life.  I don't get enough sleep.  I want more.  I need more.  

I am working at an amazing summer day camp starting next Monday.  I spent the past weekend (Thursday-Sunday) at orientation and training.  It was a blast!  I was invigorated by the high-energy of the owners/directors and other camp staff.  I am thrilled that Lilly gets to have this experience because I am working there.  The program I am running is called Passport because it is in essence  "cooking around the world."  I may just be updating my other blog Girls Can Grill with some of the recipes.  Of course I won't be grilling anything really, so there may need to be a name change.  

I plan on returning to the world of blogging here on the Mommy Chronicles, as well.  I miss writing!

Happy Summer!!  

Summer's End

Here we are at the tail end of my summer break and I am facing all the expectations that I promised myself I would not have this year.  In the beginning of the summer I had written about my usual laundry list of expectations for my summer break and had said that this summer I will not have that list.  I promised myself that I would not stress out about not completely de-cluttering and re-organizing my house.  I am happy to say that I did not let myself get too stressed about it all.  In normal summer mode I would be disappointed with what I did not get accomplished this summer.  This summer I am happy with what I did get done around the house.  A lot of it was just the daily cleaning that occurs with a smallish house and a preschooler.  :)  I also worked on my bedroom; and even though it is not completely finished there is a HUGE improvement. (Okay, Vinnie might not agree with the huge part.  lol)

Looking back on what I had written in early July, I initially wished that I had done more craft stuff with Lilly and arranged a few more playdates.  Some people I had reached out to for playdates were not available and that is okay, even if a bit disappointing.  And sometimes the timing just did not work out.  Maybe I wasted a few too many mornings doing nothing.  And then I realized all that we did do!  But we did go on tons of fun playdates and attended our library's summer preschool reading program.  We visited friends and family down the shore and at lakes.  We explored different playgrounds in our area.  I reconnected with many of my girlfriends, attended a great free music festival and traveled to North Carolina.

Personally, I started on the path to a healthier, running me.  Of course this past week has been difficult with the area still recovering from hurricane Irene.  Not to mention my ankle/Achilles tendon is being a bit funky.  But I am committed to continuing this healthier lifestyle once school resumes next week.

I have to admit that today I was starting to feel that ball of anxiety in my belly about not organizing the basement or finishing my bedroom or insert chore.  But I stepped back and took a deep breath and looked at what I did.  And if I took a lot of naps this summer, maybe it was because I needed them.  I reminded myself that I had surgery the 2nd day after school let out and I was also ill in July. And if Lilly is disappointed that I did not play princesses or babies with her every time she asked, I console myself with the knowledge that she would have me play every possible minute.  And dinner does not cook itself!  So in that I learned about the balance of being a SAHM again.  It is not all fun and games.  Chores have to get done, too.

I hope everyone else had a fun summer!  What was your favorite thing you did this summer?  Come on...leave me some comment love!!!

The leaves they are a-changing...

Lilly and I walked to the playground today and along the way I saw some leaves that have started changing colors.  It is always a bittersweet feeling for me to see those first red leaves.  I love autumn and the cooler weather.  I hate the sun setting earlier and the impending freezing weather.  But for now, I will be joyful when I see those ruby red leaves hidden among the emerald green leaves, like jewels sparkling in the sunshine against the blue sky.

My Grandma

As many people know my Nanny (my mom's mom) is not doing the best and she is in her end stages of life.  Though, seeing how she was playing with Lilly this weekend I can tell you that she has some life in her yet! 

But this is about my dad's mom, my Grandma.  Thinking and talking about nanny dying has stirred up a lot of feelings about my Grandma.  I am not even sure I can write them all out here in one post because it would be too long yet not long enough to accurately convey my feelings and thoughts.  So for today I will just talk about how I miss her.

I always miss her most in the summertime because she lived down the shore for most of my life.  When I was in college I would hop in my car and drive down to see her for the weekend or for some weekdays when I was in retail (and worked all weekend.)  We would look at old pictures and letters and she would tell me stories.  I wish I had had the foresight to record them because I have forgotten most and, as young people are apt to, I thought I would always have more time with her.  I had no clue that a stroke would rob her of her ability to communicate a story in that way.  She would cook for me...turkey or chicken tetrazinni,  or meatballs are the meals I remember.  It was an easy existence for us when I would visit on those days.  Often she was working during the day and I would go to the beach and come home in time for us to have dinner (along with Aunt Ginny!) 

Grandma had a wicked funny sense of humor.  She was sarcastic, irreverant and maybe more than a little nutty.  I know that her sense of funny was not always nice to other people but for now, I am putting that aside.  She wore animal prints, leggings and glittery painted shirts.  Her Keds were not white but floral, blue or had some other design. She bought me my first pair of satiny panties.  I think I was 14 and secretly thought they were fantastic.  Grandma was raised as a Protestant and knew all her Bible verses and sang "Jesus loves me this I know..."  among other songs in her slightly off-tone voice.  We always went to Mass together when I went down to visit her. 

Sometimes when Lilly does something really funny or has a certain look on her face or dresses in some crazy get-up that includes a twirly skirt and maybe some lip gloss or lips, as Lilly calls it, "lips" I know in my heart that Grandma would have loved Lilly so much.  She would have thought that she was just the funniest, sweetest little girl.  Lilly would have made Grandma laugh and they would have gotten along like 2 peas in a pod.  And then I miss her even more.

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fun in the sun

I have to be honest.  I cannot write too much today.  Somehow, some way I got incredibly sunburned today.  Like, fluorescent pink.  I don't think I have been this burnt since I used oil instead of sunscreen back in the late 90s.  (so, so stupid, btw for girls of Irish descent to use OIL!!)  I am feeling a tad ill from it...chills, etc.

So, friends, I will leave you with just a picture of the fun we had on this awesome summer day.  We went to my friend Stephanie's lake association and this is her daughter Gianna and Lilly.

perfect summer Sunday

Maplewoodstock 2011
The Smithereens

Today was an awesome summer day.  We had friends over for backyard fun and lunch in the late morning/early afternoon.  We took naps.  All of us!  Then Lilly and I hit up Maplewoodstock for the first time.  Each year we have had something else going on so I was super excited to go this year.  We joined my good friend and her two kids and then some more of her friends.  We ate good food (Crane's deli and The Cupcake Corral), checked out cool artist's booths, and listened to great music.  sigh...I have a big smile on my face right now!

Lilly laughing :)

The day is drawing to a close.

Summer vacation

Summer vacation always inspires in me a long list of "things I must accomplish" that inevitably include deep cleaning the entire house, organizing the basement, completing a craft or learning a new one.  Why oh why do I place such big expectations on myself?

This week I started on Tuesday with playing outside with Lilly all morning, making a yummy lunch and then taking her nap time as me time.  I started to realize that maybe that is all I need to accomplish this summer: spending quality time with Lilly.  I am a working mom 10 months of the year.  I get to be a SAHM for 2 months and I want to cherish that and use it smartly.  Before Lilly that may have meant cleaning and organizing my basement or learning a new craft.  Lilly is 3 years old and I will never get to have moments like these again.  

So my basement may or may not get organized this year.  But I will organize playdates for Lilly and I.  And I may or may not learn a new craft this summer.  But I will fingerpaint and bake and make playdough with Lilly.  I may not re-read all those wonderful classics (another yearly summer promise) but Lilly and I will participate in our library's summer reading program.  And I'll read some great chick lit and beachy reads!  

S'mores Smiles :0)

I have always been a s'mores lover.  A perfect s'more has all the perfect elements: toasted, gooey marshmallow, slightly melting chocolate and the crunchy graham cracker.  I am not sure I remember when I first had a s'more, but I am sure it was one on one of the many camping trips I took with my family as a child.  I was a Girl Scout and s'mores are a Girl Scout Camp tradition.  As my brothers and I got to be a little older we would all go camping together.  Some of my best memories of those trips are from when we were sitting around the campfire at night, singing along with Jeremiah playing the harmonica, drinking a few cold ones and eating s'mores.  It really did not get much better than that, in those days.  


These days my s'mores making is a little different.  My husband has never camped (though he said he will give it a try!) and I am not anxious to try bringing my husband for the first time with a 2 year-old.  A couple weeks ago I was in the mood to go camping, and what says "camping" to me more than anything? S'mores!  So we made them over our grill and they really did make me smile.  It was definitely not the same experience, but the taste brought me right back to those wonderful times sitting around a campfire with friends and/or family.  


So why write about S'more now?  Because I am writing this for a contest to win a S'mores prize pack as a member of the Mom Bloggers Club.  (So I guess my answer would be E. Just because) So check out Kraft to see how you can win some prizes.  What is your favorite s'more memory or way to enjoy s'mores?


edited to add: I was a winner so I will be receiving my S'mores smiles gift pack...yummy!

summer nights

On Thursday I went for a walk after dinner with Lilly. It was a hot, humid day so I had waited until the sun was going down. As I was walking I was brought back to summer nights of my childhood by the mere scent wafting on the warm breezes. It was a combination of honeysuckle, other fragrant flowers and maybe OFF bug spray. There was a movie in the park that night, so there were plenty of people walking around and kids playing. I was remembering catching fireflies with my brothers, watching the bats swooping around with my parents and going to sleep-away camp every summer. Sweet summer memories!