Maurice Sendak, 1928-2012

There are many children's book authors who have been major influences in my life: Theodore Geisel, Beverly Cleary, Eric Carle, Don Freeman, Stan & Jan Berenstain, Johnny Gruelle, author of the Raggedy Ann series, Noel Streatfeild, and innumerable more.  But perhaps none has had such an ongoing influence than Maurice Sendak.  In particular, Max and the Wild Things of the book Where the Wild Things Are, has followed me through my life.

When I was a little girl my mom brought me every week or so to library school, which was at least what I called the library preschool program in our urban city of Irvington, NJ.  I remember many things about that library: the blue plastic railing going down to the basement where the children's room was; a bird who resided there, or maybe just visited, who I believed talked; the large, seemingly life-like cardboard cut-outs of the Wild Things and Max.  Again, maybe they were painted, maybe they were cardboard, but large they were.  Max and the Wild Things became part of my weekly visits to the library.  What was originally apprehension at the sight of them became familiarity after I knew the story.

Fast forwarding several years to my post graduate classes I was taking to get my teaching certificate, we used Where the Wild Things Are as an example of a book that has wordless pages.  The beauty of this book and others like it is how it gives children the opportunity to write their own story.  I loved reading this book to my class and hearing all the different scenarios my preschool students would present.  Several years later I attended a 3 day course called the Children's Literary Initiative or CLI.  This book in particular was mentioned as one that introduces new vocabulary to children.  What is a rumpus anyway?  Whatever it is, let me in on the fun!

I had my own slightly battered copy of Where the Wild Things Are as part of my classroom library.  I loved reading it to my students, especially for the first time.  I had one particular little boy who was seemingly unreachable.  His home situation was not a good one and had little promise for improvement.  He was all over the place, unable to stay still for even a minute.  Frustrated one late afternoon, I asked him to bring me a book to read to him.  He immediately brought over my copy and said, "Max."  This was a boy who I thought paid zero attention to books being read aloud.  He could barely answer a direct question.  I had no idea he knew the character's name!

J. and I read Where the Wild Things Are everyday over the next few months while he was in my class.  He always had interesting comments about the Wild Things and even about the rumpus.  He thought that the food in the bowl at the end was macaroni and cheese.  J. would sit on my lap and we would read.  It was the only book he wanted to read, the only one to which he felt connected.  How powerful is that?  This little boy who lived in the projects, one of many children, regularly cursed at by his authority figures, who had very little stability - he connected with Max.  He knew what it felt like to be called a wild thing and sent to his bed, maybe even without dinner.  The day I found out that J. was not going to be in my class anymore I cried.  Where was he going?  Who was going to read about Max to him everyday?  I sent home a copy of the book.  I hope someone read it to him.  Or maybe he just looked at the pictures and let himself get lost in the land of the Wild Things.

At one point in that school year I noticed a bite-sized chunk out of my book.  J.had done it.  We had a talk about it, but it never really bothered me.  I smile now every time I see that bite taken out of the book.

Now, well now I read about Max to my own preschool-aged daughter.  I take my her to the library where we enter worlds beyond our imaginations, where little girls can turn pink by eating too many pink cupcakes, bears wearing corduroys pants can talk to you, and you can take a mouse to school with you.  And Max will be forever in my heart.

Maurice Sendak
1928-2012
Rest in Peace

Happy 4th Birthday Lilly!

Oh my, how time flies!  I cannot believe that it is the eve of my baby girl's 4th birthday.  We have been celebrating with her since Friday and that in itself is so much fun!  She is just so excited by LIFE that it makes my life more exciting, adds worth to my life.

I told Lilly an abbreviated and age-appropriate version of her birth story today.  I am kind of  happy that I can tell this curious girl that yes, the doctor did take her from my tummy!  She loved hearing it.   I had started telling her in order to distract her from being upset and it calmed her and made her smile and snuggle in to me.  I always loved hearing the story of how my parents had to rush to the hospital and I was born 4 minutes later.  Wait...you're not surprised that I would rush onto the scene like that were you??  Seriously though, I hope that Lilly loves to hear her story as much as I love hearing mine.

Stop & Stare was playing when Lilly was being delivered.

I think our birth stories are an integral part of who we are.  Even as she was growing in my womb I was beginning to know her and who she is.  She was always twirling around in there, as evidenced by the, ahem, 4 time nuchal cord!  And now...a skirt has to be twirly in order to make it into her wardrobe rotation.  The way she would dig her toes into my rib cage, thankyouverymuch, is what she did as she would lay next to me nursing in the wee hours of the morning.  Sometimes when she climbs into bed with me for an early morning snuggle she still digs her toes into my legs.

Besides the physical aspects, I think Lilly's personality was becoming apparent in the womb.  She always responded to the OM when I would practice prenatal yoga.  From a very young age I taught Lilly to take big breaths when she is upset.  She has even reminded me, "Momma, you need to take deep breaths."  I can hear her taking them on her own now, without a reminder.  Lilly can be extremely stubborn.  That became evident when she would always put her hands over her face during the 3D ultrasounds.  She just would not reveal herself!

And yet her sweetness and her sense of justice can be overwhelming to me at times.  She has such a beautiful soul.  People stop me everywhere we go and have, since she was an infant, to tell me how beautiful she is.  I think her soul just shines through her entire being.  My life without her would be dark indeed.

Fresh Direct House Party

 I was lucky to be chosen as a House Party host for Fresh Direct.  I was really excited to do this for a number of reasons.  I love to cook for my family and friends and I like to explore ways to make my life easier.

I was given a set amount of money I could spend online at Fresh Direct, plus favors for the guests: recipes, reusable shopping bags and note pads, a coupon for Fresh Direct.  My original plan was to have a party at my house this past Saturday.  When I realized that the only people who could attend on this weekend were my co-worker friends, I decided to bring the party to them!

I ordered my groceries Friday evening from the comfort of my couch and they arrived promptly Sunday morning within my selected delivery time.  I was able to get a LOT of groceries for the amount of money spent.  The produce was super fresh and the meats looked great!  For ground beef lovers, they carry Pat La Frieda meats.  Vin said the hamburgers I made Sunday night were the best ever, and he is a better judge than I!

3 of the 4 boxes

Beautiful produce

 Sunday afternoon I prepped a few things, made a couple others and baked yummy Butterscotch Bonanza Bars.  I packed everything in the boxes that my groceries came in and Vin carried them to the car for me Monday morning.  I had kindergarten lunch duty today so afterward I went back to my office and set up.  It was easy enough since I had prepped yesterday.  My friends came in and I explained what House Party was and how EASY Fresh Direct was.  We then all made our own sandwiches so they got exactly what they wanted while I was on panini duty.  Unfortunately my griddler stopped working in the first outlet and I ended up having to move it.  That is to be expected in our building, but I feel like I owe the first few people new paninis so they can see what they are really supposed to taste like!

My friends at work come from all backgrounds and some of us are moms and some are not.  The one thing we all are is busy, especially at this time of the year.  I think we all appreciate the ease of shopping at home and having it delivered to you.  An added bonus?  Fresh Direct has a plethora of healthy choices available, even in the prepared foods section.

I really hope that everyone enjoyed their lunch and had fun!  I know I did!

Lunch Meeting Menu
Stacy's pita chips with Fresh Direct Cucumber yogurt dip


Fresh Direct Chicken salad with artichokes and feta
with romaine lettuce, red onion and cucumber yogurt dip on whole wheat pitas


Paninis made with Fresh Direct grilled artichokes, tomatoes, and peppers with shaved parmesan reggiano cheese


Green Goddess Rice

Butterscotch Bonanza Bars (originally from a book I read)

My daughter and her chubbalicious thighs

Even before I became a mom I was aware of how a mother's actions and words can affect her daughter's own self image.  As a preschool teacher I encountered many a young girl who thought she was fat, when really she was just how she should be.  Young girls have soft, pudgy-ish bodies.  Even when they are lean, they have soft bellies and thighs.  They are squishy and cuddly and perfect.

I was heartbroken to hear a young student of mine say how big her belly was as she grabbed it and complained that her thighs touched.  When I later spoke to her mom about what I witnessed, she cringed as she realized that her 4 year-old was mimicking what she herself has done in the young girl's presence.  All you have to do is google "mothers and daughters and body image" and you will see numerous articles on this very subject.

So here is the thing, as a grown woman who has more belly fat than I would like at this time, I am so tempted to do that very thing.  There are times when I am getting dressed and I am so frustrated at myself for not losing the weight already that I want to rant about it.  Out loud, very loudly, not silently.  But Lilly is usually right there next to me, my little shadow that she is, and so I tell myself to shut the hell up.  It is a little inner argument I have with myself.

I can totally picture it:  I grab my belly/thighs/arms and say, "Ugh, why is my (insert body part) so big?  Why can't I stick to a diet?  This just looks gross in this dress/shirt/pants."  Lilly overhears me and looks down at her belly/thighs/arms.  She sees how her belly sticks out a bit or notices that her thighs jiggle as she jumps up and down like a lunatic to the Fresh Beat Band.  She starts to wonder if maybe her belly is too big...

Research backs this up:
Throughout the daughter's childhood, Fuerstein says, mother and daughter become like mirrors for each other's sense of self. The daughter, in particular, tries to fit into her mother's view of her. In a family with several sisters, for example, one daughter is often seen as the responsible sister while another is the popular sister. At the same time, the daughter is influenced by her mother's own self-image. This last is called modeling, Fuerstein says. When mothers have a realistic self-image, the modeling is healthy. But mothers who are unhappy with some feature of their body or personality can produce daughters who see themselves through the same distorted mirror. For example, mothers who constantly talk about how fat they are are more likely to produce daughters who feel fat as well—even if neither is overweight. - Laura Arens Fuerstein to write "My Mother, My Mirror" (New Harbinger, 2009)

How can Lilly know that her chubbiness is the most beautiful thing in the world to me?  I am still amazed, 4 years later, that we made that skin, that my milk nourished her body for so long.  I tell her all the time how beautiful she is.  I squeeze her and kiss her and rub lotion in to keep her skin as soft as it should be.  I tell her how much I love her thighs, belly, heinie, face, feet, hands...I tell her how smart she is and proud I am of her when she overcomes her own little struggles.  I do not want there to be any confusion in her mind that she is a beautiful girl, no matter what she weighs and looks like.  I do not want Lilly to ever think or feel "less than" because her thighs touch or she does not have a flat belly.  Deep down inside I am trying to convince myself that I am beautiful even with jiggly thighs and a big belly; that I deserve to love myself.  But until that happens, until I know how beautiful I really I am, I will fake it.  Fake it till you make it is an old saying I have heard many times.  I will fake it so that Lilly can make it.

Easter Renewal

Homemade carrot cake

This year we celebrated Easter twice.  We spent "PrEaster" at my in-laws in the Poconos and Easter Sunday at my parents.  Lilly was amazing at Mass and Blue was amazing both at my in-laws and at my mom's.

For the usual holiday weekend illness, Lilly's allergies were very bad, making me question whether it was allergies or illness.  Claritin cleared it up so I am sticking with allergies.  (We have a bad habit of spending holidays in the ER.)  For the mandatory craziness, our kitchen sink faucet started spraying water all over the place, necessitating that we turn the water off under the sink.  It just adds a new dimension to cooking and baking.  :)

Though I may not be as regular a church goer as I used to be, or maybe even as I would like to be, I do believe that Easter is a time of renewal and hope.  When I was in church yesterday I prayed not only for God's blessings, but for my heart and soul to be open to all that God has in store for me and my family.  This year has been a tough one, but through our challenges we can and have experienced growth.  I really  felt very strongly for the first time in a long time that God has something wonderful planned for us in the coming year.


I know this may sound a little pie-in-the-sky, but I do believe that fear can hold you back from receiving the blessings that God is ready to bestow on you.  Fear is a very powerful emotion that is often a good thing: parents need to have a healthy fear in order to keep their children safe; children should have a fear of the street; my fear of being late to work makes me get out of bed.  But fear unchecked can inhibit you, hold you back.  I have been becoming more and more aware of what my personal fears are and how they might be holding me back.  Add to that the overwhelming feeling I had at Mass yesterday to shed my fears, and I really felt true renewal of hope.

I hope everyone was able to experience their own renewal of hope on this beautiful weekend.