Saturday, May 16, 2009

married life

Do you ever just want the arguing and bickering between you and your husband to end? Often it just seems like an ongoing battle that we take a break from and pick it right back up. Thankfully it is usually over minor things like cleaning and cooking and what's for dinner. But seriously? I really would like to be able to just have a weekend during which we have NO ARGUMENTS. Our common arguments go like this:

Please keep in mind that this is decidedly one-sided.

Me: I thought you were not sleeping in today.

He: I didn't. I slept until 9 like I said I would.

Me: It is 9:45 and considering I have been up since before 7am with our daughter, even 9 is sleeping in.

He: I'm sorry, okay. (in a slightly churlish voice)

Me: Whatever. Now it is time for her morning nap.

(later on)

He: Why don't you take a break?

Me: Because the house is a disaster, we have no clean laundry and we have nothing in the house to eat for dinner.

(sometimes arguments ensue over this.)

Before dinner, as I cook, sometimes with a toddler screaming at my legs.

He: Why is she crying like this?

Me: She is hungry and tired because we are eating way too late for a 1 year-old.

He: Stop crying!

Me: Don't talk to her like that!

He: Like what?

After dinner is done and baby is bathed, changed, read to and nursed...all by me...
He: What are you doing?

Me: I am cleaning the kitchen. I cannot go to bed with it like this. I need to be able to come down in the morning, make my coffee, which is decaf to begin with, and get breakfast for Lilly.

He: I cleaned all her toys.

Me: Thank you. (This has entailed everything going haphazardly into any bin or basket. I know she is too young to realize that her toys are organized or not, but I like them organized so I can see where everything is. Also, I get aggravated when I see her pull trash or non-toys out of the toy bin.) Sometimes I fix things right then, if there are obvious things that need fixing. Otherwise I wait until morning and he is at work.

He: What? What did I do wrong?

Me: It's just that.... (use your imagination)

He: anything said with a tone or curse words interspersed in daily conversation

Me: Why are you saying it like that? and Watch your mouth around the baby!

He: What tone? What are you talking about?

Or like tonight, I came down from putting Lilly in bed for the 2nd time and did a load of laundry. I then came up and worked on the kitchen for probably about an hour. I cleaned up meat juice that had spilled all over the counters and floor. I put away the dishwasher and washed the dirty dishes. I put away any food or condiments form our dinner. Then when he was shooting me with foam darts, he was wondering why I was not amused. When I asked why he just lied on the couch the entire time, he said that he can never do anything right anyway. I know that this can be true. It seems that our arguments are mostly about me wanting him to do more. From what my married friends, especially those with young children, say, this is all too common. So what do people do? Give up? Just do all the work (cooking, cleaning, laundry, baby caring) themselves?

I have been working on letting things go. My mom always says, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy." I think I need to concentrate on being happy. But damn it...I am right!

Okay, I do have to add that Vinnie does do things for me. This morning he made me and Lilly pancakes. He manned the grill while I did the sides and fed Lilly. And he went out to the store to get stuff so I could make cookies for the playgroup tomorrow. Maybe, for a guy, that is a lot in one day. And I am not being sarcastic about this. Lastly, but most importantly, he goes to work every day and provides for us.
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