God is good

I had a great interview on Wednesday. At least I thought it was good! It was light years different than the South Orange/Maplewood one. The women who interviewed me were warm and seemed interested in what I had to say. There were times during the interview that were more like colleagues discussing current issues in education than an interview. I was confident in part to the coaching I received by a virtual friend. I sent my thank you note this morning and am anxiously awaiting a call for a 2nd interview.

We have been in a bad spot, financially. It had gotten to the point that we were borrowing money from family and it still seemed desperate. Well today Vinnie received some back pay that he did not even know he was owed. It was enough to get us out of our bad spot for now and hopefully keep us going until I can get a job/paycheck.

I am breathing deeper today and grateful to God, to family who is always supportive and to friends who show their true colors in times of need.

nervous but confident

I have an interview tomorrow at 1pm and I am a little nervous. I was not nervous before but I am now. I feel pretty confident though. I am not sure what position I am interviewing for... they are hiring at least one preschool disabled teacher and at least one preschool inclusion specialist, which is the position I applied for in my cover letter. I have a ton of preschool experience and inclusion experience. To top it off this is what my Masters is geared toward basically.

This job would mean very good things for our family. We will be able to pay off bills, save some money so we can have another baby and buy a house. I am sad thinking about putting Lilly in full time day care but I know that she will be more than okay, she will be great. She is super social and loves to play with other children.

I won't be finished with school until December so the fall semester will be rough, but it will only be temporary.

So please say prayers and cross fingers and do what ever you do that I get this position!

Thanks!

jobs

I have been applying like mad for a teaching or early intervention position. I had one interview last month and I did not get the job. On Monday I submitted my resume/application for a job in New Brunswick that seems like it is perfect for me. I received an email last night asking me to call them to discuss my credentials. Yeah! I am so hopeful for this job. It would be a far drive and tough with school during the fall semester. But I think it would be worth it. So cross your fingers for me!

Sleep %&#@ issues

I was thrilled! Last night Lilly slept from 8pm - 6am. Straight...no waking! It was a delight to have uninterrupted sleep. I had planned on sleeping until 7, so 6 was a little early, especially since I was up late cleaning, doing homework and then reading a bit, but that was okay. Now tonight...she woke up at 1:30. I nursed her in her room, tried to put her into the crib and she screamed. I finally brought her into my bed with me. Around 3 she started fussing again. Mostly to let my husband sleep I took her out and brought her back into her room. I tried the crib again - screamed. I took her out and rocked with her in the rocker. Wide awake. We go downstairs and lay together on the couch. She starts talking to the cats. "hi cat" while waving. Eventually I gave up and put Blue's Clues on and we are now watching Sesame Street. So, considering I went to sleep about 12:15, I have gotten a total of 2 hours sleep.

What the heck? This is not the first time this has happened. In fact, it is a pattern. Randomly she will sleep through the night and the next night, maybe 2, is hell. It is bad enough now. How will I handle this if/when I start a full time job in 2 months???

edited to add: She had Motrin right before bed for teething so I do not think that is it.

blah

I know I am getting my period anytime now, and this is the most likely culprit for this feeling. I am just feeling so fat and blah. I tend to keep those feeling inside and kind of just let them live. I was thinking that maybe if I got it out in the open (like on here) it can help me let those feeling go. I have struggled with these feelings as far back as middle school age and especially high school. Even in college, there were times that I worked really hard and got in good shape...and I still felt like this. It is kind of like this...no matter what my body actually looks like, I have a picture in my head of what it looks like. Most of the time I have a realistic picture in my head, but sometimes this other picture takes it place. And when it does, it affects my whole outlook. And of course then I want to eat cupcakes. :)

So really this was about just letting those feelings go. I am acknowledging that I am feeling like this, but not giving it any credibility. I am doing the best I can right now. It may not be enough to lose weight, but it is what I can do right now.

Now that I have a daughter I really want to get a handle on these feelings. I have read several books over the years about how young girls are affected by what their moms and other women in their life say about their own bodies.

Marriage vows...

I was recently reading a blog, which I will hopefully find again, and it was discussing the meaning of our marriage vows. I really feel like I need to meditate on the meaning of my vows right now. Because lately, I just want to say, well, it is not nice to say what I want to say. And obviously it is not all his fault or all my fault. A lot of it is circumstantial...finances are tight; school is really rough right now; I am no longer on the breast feeding period hiatus which means my hormones are going a bit nutty; he has not been feeling 100% and we have a very active toddler who is testing her limits and boundaries right now. So I will say a little prayer tonight. Or maybe a big one. And tomorrow I am going to print out my wedding vows so that I can meditate on the meaning behind them.

Marley & Me

Last night I finally watched Marley & Me. It was as sad as people said it would be. But it was also uplifting in some ways. I thought that it portrayed married life and parenthood really well. I have had those same arguments with Vinnie. I have wished the same things as a SAHM.

There are times when, even though I want to be home, I also wonder why I chose this. Of course, now as I am looking for jobs for September I am sad that I will not be a SAHM. At this point, I have stayed home with Lilly for over a year and financially I need to work. When I look at my priorities, being able to pay bills has to be up there. Eventually we want to buy a house. We also want to have more children. Hopefully I will be able to stay home with any subsequent children for a little while, at least.

I know that the working mom vs. SAHM debate is an old one. I just never thought I would have it with myself!

summer nights

On Thursday I went for a walk after dinner with Lilly. It was a hot, humid day so I had waited until the sun was going down. As I was walking I was brought back to summer nights of my childhood by the mere scent wafting on the warm breezes. It was a combination of honeysuckle, other fragrant flowers and maybe OFF bug spray. There was a movie in the park that night, so there were plenty of people walking around and kids playing. I was remembering catching fireflies with my brothers, watching the bats swooping around with my parents and going to sleep-away camp every summer. Sweet summer memories!

Welcome Connor James!

My brother Matthew and his wife Kelly just welcomed Connor James into this world on July 10, 2009. 9 lb 15 oz 22 inches long with a big head of black hair. I was hoping to post a picture with this but I lost my camera a few weeks ago. We drove up to Saratoga Springs for the day to see him. Holding a newborn is just one of the most glorious feelings in the world.

As a side note, Lilly did so well in the car...4 hours in the morning and 3 1/2 in the afternoon. Amazing!!

*edited to add pictures.

What I do to save money...

Here are a few things I have been doing to save money.

1. I highlighted my own hair. It is the first time I have touched my own hair with color in, um, maybe 10 years. It was just as difficult as I remembered but the results were much better than the spotted leopard look I had my last attempt. This time came out pretty good. There are some spots that are a little brassy from not leaving it on long enough. But better some brassy spots than bald spots!

2. Coupons, coupons, coupons. I have pretty much become obsessed with coupons. I am not as crazy as some other people I know, but I do a decent job.

3. Cooking at home as much as possible. This is self-explanatory but still note-worthy.

4. Cut out stuff. Some things we have cut out... HBO package, Netflix (we use redbox or the library instead), buying books and magazine, hair cuts (let it grow), salon shampoo (hello Pantene!)

5. BJ's Buying in bulk is not always cheaper, but if you know your prices, you can make it work. BJ's takes manufacturer coupons which Costco does not. I got a great deal on Pampers last week. I think one of the keys to smart bulk buying is to not buy what you do not normally buy. The big bag of Swedish fish is tempting, but I do not need it!

What are your money saving tips?

Oh My!

Life has been very busy the past few weeks and that has obviously shown on my blog. I am doing a practicum for my graduate degree. It requires me to work 12 hours/week for 6 weeks at the Children's Center at Montclair State University. It is a good experience, except for a few things. The main thing is that I am paying (tuition) to work there and things are very financially tight for us. I asked to be in an infant room so that I can get more experience with infants with special needs. I am working with a little boy who has Down's syndrome. It is definitely different than what I am used to so I am grateful for that experience. It does not stop me from counting the hours...24 down 51 to go. Or, 2 weeks down 4 to go. Or, 1/3 completed! Sad, I know.

What else...I am looking for jobs. I am looking for jobs for September...teaching, early intervention, etc. I am also looking for something to get us through the summer...Rita's Ice, Target, Home Depot...anything I can do at night when Vin can stay with Lilly, really. Anyone have any leads for me??