Letting it go

Long hair (after being done at the salon)

I cut my hair last  week.  I had been thinking about it for so long that I was not sure I would have the nerve to do it.  I have been growing my hair long, and then cutting it short, and then growing it long again for my entire life.  It will be long for a couple years, and then short for a couple years.   This time I was really loving it long.  Except when I didn't.

I resorted to the ponytail almost daily.  And no matter what my beautiful co-workers think, this hair just does not get the same kind of body that their stunning Latino hair gets.  But the main thing was the ponytail.  I hate putting it in every day, but it is so darn convenient.  Sweaty? Ponytail.  Late for work?  Ponytail.  Too humid or not humid enough?  Yup...in a ponytail.  Even if I started the day with gorgeous hair, by mid afternoon it was up in a ponytail.

Yet something was keeping me from cutting my hair, and I had a difficult time figuring it out.  To be honest, I am not 100% sure I get it now.  I just became attached to my long hair.  I was feeling that it defined me somehow.  When I saw pictures of myself I thought it made me look prettier or younger.  Or both.  But it was not just that.

Maybe it hid me.  I feel more vulnerable with short hair.  More "out there" or something.  My neck is literally out in the open, exposed.  I get noticed more.  Attention to my physical attributes makes me feel anxious.  I have worked hard at accepting compliments.  Truthfully?  I still don't always believe them.  I always want to attach a qualifier to the end.  Kind of like this: Mel, you look beautiful!  Thank you, even though I still need to lose a lot of weight.  Obviously I don't say those things out loud.  But I think them.  And it sounds really loud in my head.

The realization of how attached I was to my hair coupled with the reason behind it helped propel me to the decision to go under the scissors.  I was even brave enough to go to someone who was in training at my salon.  gulp.  Every step was cleared by a senior stylist, so I was not too nervous.  I am really happy with my hair cut and with what I look like right now.  Every once in a while I get a small flashback thought of my long hair.  Most of the time, I am loving the short cut, even if my neck is out there just a bit more.

Ta-Da!!  The short hair.

Grocery shopping, kid traps, and healthy rewards

Headed to the store with mom, purse in hand!

The other day I went on a particularly laborious grocery shopping trip.  We needed to do some major pantry restocking and I had lots and lots of coupons.  And....I had my preschooler with me.  Normally she is a very good shopping companion and I keep her occupied with writing lists and looking for the item on a coupon.  However, the grocery store where I shop has toys and candy around every bend.  I swear, not one aisle is safe from these kid traps.  Freezer aisle?  End cap has matchbox cars, which my little girl loves.  Entering the meat department?  Seasonal Barbie!  Leaving the meat department?  Entemann's doughnuts and holiday cupcakes.  And did I mention that the cereal aisle has cereal on one side and CANDY on the the other. I know you must be crying with me by now.  

I seriously need to say, "No" so many times, that it has sometimes felt worth it to go to the slightly more expensive grocery store because it has only one easily avoidable toy aisle.  No matter how many ways I try to positively spin the no, she knows it still means no.   And there are lots of ways to spin it!  Not today, my love.  Let's save for it.  We'll discuss it later.  We can put it on the Christmas/Valentine's/Birthday/MakeUpSomeDamnHoliday list.  Sometimes I get a little creative.  

So on this particular day I prepped Lilly before we got to the store.  I have done this before, but it does not always work because, well, she is 4 and a new Barbie, matchbox car, or box of fruit snacks can be just too irresistible.  On this day, though, she was just amazing.  She did not ask for one treat or toy.  She didn't whine or have any tantrums.  This was an hour-plus shopping trip.  I was so proud of her.
I remembered to praise her during the trip to take advantage of that positive reinforcement.  

I had not promised her any kind of reward going into the store, but as we were checking out I decided that I wanted to reward her extraordinary behavior.  My first thought was to stop at the DunkinDonuts for a doughnut treat on our way home.  I immediately decided that I was not going to do that because I did not want to be around them.  It was amazing to me how many times the thought to go to DD kept popping into my head.  Even when I had made a smarter, healthier reward choice the thought came to mind, unbidden.  

What does this tell me?  It was so clear to me that I use food as a reward for myself, and now for my family.  One of my main goals in changing my eating behavior is to be a healthy example for my daughter.  There have been many times when I have failed her in that regard.  Today I succeeded.  Instead of stopping for a doughnut with my 4 year old, I made time for us to play with play dough together when we got home from the store.  She was thrilled to do something special with me, and I was thrilled that I stood strong against my own weakness.  Choice by choice is the way to a healthier life for me! 

Increase my qi?

I had acupuncture today.  I know some people have mixed feelings about it, but I just love it.  It has helped me with asthma, gastro/digestive issues, and stress relief. I am going now for pain relief, namely that damn plantar fasciitis that won't seem to go away.  In both feet.

Today I went for the 2nd time to a different practice/practitioner.  My insurance covers them, so that's a bonus.  I also had the most stressful days today at work.  I can't even tell you why it was more stressful than most days.  I realized afterward that I had an anxiety attack and then the rest of the day I was feeling tense and on the verge of tears.

I went home and changed my clothes and went to acupuncture.  Roye, my practitioner, could tell that my qi was low, especially compared to last week.  As she started to needle me I felt an overwhelming sense of energy surging through me.  And then the emotions, and tears, released.  It felt never ending but was probably only about 5 minutes.   She kept her hands on me and talked me through some deep breathing.  The rest of the acupuncture session proceeded and I walked out with a little less pain and hopefully increased qi.

It occurred to me that I need to really start some kind of something to help me manage stress and just for me.  I keep saying I am going to start meditating and I begin for a few days.  It always fizzles out.  I think it is time again to incorporate meditation into my life. I have been doing a little yoga, but I think I need to do both...regular yoga and meditation.

I am open to hearing from you about your yoga and meditation practice.  Or maybe your acupuncture experience?  How do you handle stress?  Talk to me...what works for you?

title change?

I wrote the other day about transitions in my life.  There have been many transitions and changes as of late.  What I also realized, as I reflected on my writing, is that my blog is not so much about being a Mommy any more, if it really ever was.  The name Mommy Chronicles doesn't really fit it or me.  I never really loved that name, but so many names that I had considered were already in use.

So now I am on the hunt for a new blog name.  One that encompasses me and my writing.  Again, as I was thinking of some options (Melanie's Musings?) I googled them.  Yup, taken.  Meh.

Ironically, over at my other blog Girls Can Grill, Too I have also been going through some change.  I always really wanted to get into grilling and write about it.  I started the blog, thinking that would be my motivation.  But then it didn't happen.  What did happen was that I started cooking and baking other things.  I became the cooking counselor at a summer camp.  I decided to blog about all things food on Girls Can Grill.  In fact, I don't think I have written about grilling in over a year.  I just can't seem to give up the title partly because I cannot think of a new one.

The bottom line is that I write because I like to.  When a new title comes to me...and is not taken...I'll let you all know.  Until then, thanks for reading and commenting.  It means a lot to me.  xo

Sha-la-la, our Elf on the Shelf

I know I am a bit late to post these, but I wanted to show some of our elf's more memorable antics.  Lilly loved having the elf and gleefully readied herself for school each morning so that she could go find Sha-la-la.

Trying to brush her teeth.

Taking a ride in the family car.

Taking a moment to remember the "why" of Christmas.

Wild, swinging times with Jessie.

A cereal bath?

Hope it was something good!

Her final night, she left magic pajamas that helped Lilly fall asleep and stay asleep all night on Christmas Eve.

Obviously we had many, many more Sha-La-La moments, but those were the highlights.  I am already stockpiling ideas for next year!