A friend of mine is going through a miscarriage and she has an amazing outlook on the entire situation. She has basically said what will be, will be and if another baby is in their future, then it will happen. Besides sorrow for her and her family, her outlook caused me to question some of my own recent thoughts.
Here is my not-so-secret secret...I really, really want to have another baby, like, now. If I had been hired on permanently at my last position, getting pregnant now would probably be in the cards. I would have also considered trying for #2 if I did not get a full time job. I would get as much consulting work as I could and go from there. But the fact remains that I did (HOORAY!) get a full time, permanent position for which I am grateful and inordinately pleased. And that also means that we need to wait before having another baby.
I have always wanted to have a big family....maybe 4 or 5 kids. As I got older and I was not married I trimmed that number down. After Lilly was born I finished graduate school as you all know and money was very tight at that time. In fact, it is just now that we are starting to have some breathing room. I would like to have a lot more breathing room before we have another baby. I really do not want to start a job (that is only 10 months to begin with) and need to leave early for maternity leave. That means we would have to plan it so that I would be due in the summer time when I am off. I know all about best laid plans, but I suppose a good plan is better than none. The good thing about waiting, besides having more money and getting my career on track, is that it gives me time to lose some weight.
The other thing is that Lilly is already 2 y.o. I always thought that I would want my children to be 2-2.5 years apart. My brother and I are 4 years apart so I know it is not a terrible thing, but I do feel that my brothers, who are all closer in age to each other were closer growing up. Plus, I am 35. I know that women have babies even into their 40s, but I don't know, I just don't want to do that.
Am I just being a complainer? Well, even if I am, it is my blog...ha ha! Honestly, I am just processing everything and I think that is normal. I know that things will work out the way they are supposed to and that there is a reason for everything. After all, Lilly was not planned and she is the best detour my life has ever taken!