I have a conundrum. I want to have another child. I want Lilly to have a sibling, one who is close-ish in age to her. I would have liked that a year or two ago but it was not the right time. Now is not the right time either. Nor will it be for the foreseeable future. There are very real and valid reasons why we should not have another baby right now. I know some people say there are no good times, but this is really the opposite of a good time.
Somehow, someway, knowing this does not stop the yearning. Why does this not stop? Why can't my heart take a hint from my brain and stop wanting things it cannot have right now? I think part of it is wanting that sibling for Lilly; knowing how important it was for me and other people I know to have the sibling relationship. I think part of it is straight up biology. I am 36. That clock ticks loudly, and it is not always a pleasant, soothing tick tock. More like a gong announcing, TICK TOCK biatch...GET GOING HERE! And really, I think a big part of it is that we cannot separate our hearts and minds in that way. They are intricately entwined and that is what makes us human.
Sometimes I just wish I could flip a switch, even just for a little bit, to give my heart a rest. That or stop that damn biological clock from ticking so damn loudly in my ear!
5 comments:
Melanie, I know exactly how you feel. We've been thinking about having another baby, but I've been at my new job for just 6 months now; we still haven't paid off all the debt we racked up when I had Colden; and we have no idea how we would manage daycare/preschool with two kids to pay for. It sucks, but we still want to have another baby so that Colden has a sibling. It doesn't help when you turn on the news and all you hear about is high unemployment, recession, war, etc. In the end, you'll make the right decision, just trust yourself.
At least I am in good company! Sometimes being responsible sucks! lol Thanks, as always, for the encouragement. xo
I wanted another one so bad. But 2 in daycare....no way. I am now at a point where I am content with 1 child. I would have to re-do my routines, re-arrange house to accommodate another child. I have decided since I will be the big 40!! That I am happy with one. She has 12 cousins that live close by so she will be fine. So if it does not happen for you, the feeling does go away.
Hey Mel
Doesn't matter what our brains tell us....our hearts will always yearn....you know my situation....yet my heart still yearns...my heart still cries when I hear someone is pregnant and I know that I will never experience that happiness....somethings you just "don't get over"
All the best!!
xoxo
Kelly
Stephanie, Gianna is so lucky to have so many cousins close in age!
Kelly, I sent you a fb message, but thank you for the reminder that #1 I am human and #2 that I am so blessed to have Lilly already.
Thank you all my friends who read and especially who comment. You keep me sane and grounded and let me know that I am not alone.
xoxoxo
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