Monday, October 13, 2008

Mondays

I am very overwhelmed today.  Lilly cried a lot.  She was not comforted by nursing or by being held.  I started thinking it was me.  I raised my voice when I was speaking to her.  Then I was so mad at myself for doing that.  For goodness sake she is only a baby!  The guilt!!  

I realized that I have been feeling more overwhelmed than usual.  I have gained weight.  I am just not so happy.  I am freaking exhausted.  I think that starting school, the baptism and Lilly teething all kind of combined to make it a very stressful time for me.

The question is, now what do I do?  Do I call my midwives to see if they can test my thyroid levels?  A common complaint about this time postpartum is hypothroidism.  I know "they" say to not feel alone and that you did not cause it.  But gosh darn it, it sure feels lonely over here, and like I get the award for Bad New Mom of the Year.

update:  I actually felt better only a few days later.  I cried on the shoulder of one of my great friends and veteran mom, Nicole.  She assured my that I was completely normal.  I got some sleep, somehow.  I prioritized a bit.  I let go of my need for that "A".  I realized that I probably gained weight for a few reasons, one of which is that I am actually eating.  I did not eat properly almost all summer!  I forgot to eat half the time.  No matter I was so thin!  Now I just have to work on losing it again...healthily.  Oh, and I had my thyroid checked and it was normal.  
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